How to NOT Lose Your Phone All the Damn Time

According to, over 7 million dollars worth of phones is lost globally, every day!

If you lose your phone as often as some of my friends do, the simple yet slightly bizarre memory system shared in this article could, over time save you thousands of dollars! It even works after you’ve had a few drinks! In the billboard topping pop hit, Just Dance, Lady Gaga, would have NEVER sung

“Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone”

If she were using the absentmindedness vanquishing memory system that you are about to learn…

The problem: You’re phone goes with you everywhere you go so we tend to leave our phones on tables, in desks, purses, clothing, etc. Interestingly this is actually MORE healthy for us; a study by the World Health Organization makes a pretty compelling case that it’s unhealthy to have your phone (which generates a constant electromagnetic field) in your pocket all day, every day within inches of your dermis, genitals, and internal organs.

Use Absurd Associations: Every time you place your phone around someplace different or new create an absurd visual association between your phone and something in the immediate physical environment. In your absurd visualization you want to use these elements:

  • Substitution
  • Disproportionality (things being the wrong size)
  • Anthropomorphizing
  • Action or Violence
  • Sexiness

Here are some examples of the kinds of bizarre visual associations you are going to be using:

Leaving your phone on the boss’s desk in his office at work.
Visualization: imagine (for just a half-second) beating up my boss with a 2-foot long cell phone and then chocking him with my cell phone charger cord (see how much fun memory systems are!)

Leaving your phone on a table at a sushi restaurant.
Visualization: Imagine that hundreds of dolphins swim into the restaurant (yes the dolphins would be swimming in the air) and the dolphins are ALL talking on cellphones!

Leaving your phone at a booth in a nightclub.
Visualization: Imagine that your phone blows up to be 6 feet tall, grows arms and legs and has a funky go-go dancer outfit on and is doing a sexy dance on your booth table!

Leaving your smartphone under your friend’s yellow towel while you are going surfing at the beach.
Visualization: Imagine your smartphone has grown little arms and legs and is surfing while juggling yellow towels.
If you are in a rush and don’t have the time to create a very extravagant visual association just imagine yourself plunging your phone deeply in the surface of whatever you are leaving it on:

Imagine myself plunging my iPhone into the surface of the marble countertop I’m leaving it on and it shatters the marble.

Absurd Exit Association: It also works great to create a reminder association between my phone and the last thing I am going to see when leaving somewhere.

Example: Leaving my phone at my friend’s house that has a red door.
Imagine hundreds of red doors that are actually the front screens of touchscreen phones.

Practice Consistency: the first line of defense against losing things and absentmindedness is to practice consistency in your daily habits. Pick a consistent place to leave your things.

  • When you get home your keys always go on the hook in the kitchen.
  • Your cell phone always goes on the charger next to the shelf in your office.
  • Your purse always hangs on the closet door. Your cell phone always goes in the center console of your car.

Example: Anytime I’m ever sleeping somewhere different than my bed in my home I always keep my phone, wallet, and keys in my shoes and I always keep my shoes on the floor next to where I’m sleeping. No matter how discombobulated I may be waking up in a new place I always know where my phone, wallet, and keys are!

While Drinking

It’s no secret that it’s a whole lot easier to lose track of your phone when you are drinking! It’s even more important when drinking to keep your stuff in consistent places. When drinking and using bizarre associations, if you are brave enough to share your associations with your friends, they will find them hilarious and may even help you make them up!

Phone Finder Apps: If you have chronically short term relationships with your phones, in addition to using the memory systems given above it’s also probably a good idea for you to install a smartphone finder app on your phone.
Find My iPhone
Lookout for Android
Blackberry Protect
Tip: These apps obviously only work if your phone has battery charge so if you are prone to losing your phone, keep it charged. Buy chargers to put your phone on at work and a car charger, buy an extra battery to charge on the wall at home so when you return home you can switch out the depleted battery for a charged one!

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