I’m a man with significant breadth and depth of sexual experiences, thus this article is mostly for men but I include some biohacks and supplements that I’m confident (either because of scientific research, meaningful anecdotal data or first-hand experience) will improve a woman’s experience of sex. I’m hoping that one-day virtual reality comes up with a way for me to experience sex as a woman, which is a weird thing for a straight male to write, I’m sure it will be an even weirder experience!
I’ll start by describing the #1 thing that men SHOULD NOT do if they want an amazing sex life…
Using Porn. Why No FAP…
If you’re a man you’re going to need to choose between having a rowdy sex life and enjoying porn — sorry, you don’t get to have both. So much of our motivational psychology is just a manifestation of our selfish genes trying to get into the next generation. When you masturbate frequently with your own hand you deprive yourself profoundly of natural male aggression and zest for life.
If you are a moderate masturbator who is doing it like a couple of times a week, you’ll find that No Fapping increases your motivation and energy by like 20%-25%. However, if you’ve got a real porn addiction, where it’s like an everyday thing or a couple of times a day, No Fapping may really change your life, but it’s also going to be quite difficult. If you’re serious about this give a listen to this Art of Charm podcast, they interview a No Fapping expert who has some interesting things to say.
- If you’re a first time no fapper try to just go two weeks. This is sufficient for you to experience a boost in testosterone from not orgasming.
- If you can go for 2 weeks, try going for a whole month. This amount of time gives your brain the time to start reprogramming its arousal system. 30 days of no fapping is a lot easier to accomplish if you drink no alcohol that month. So it’s better to just plan to abstain from both simultaneously.
- Then try going for 60 or 90 day blocks of No fapping. Once you develop this kind of discipline you’ll find that when you finally do use porn it’s kind of boring and uninspiring.
- If you keeping practicing discipline and doing the kinds of things described in this article eventually you’ll get into an intimate relationship with a virtuous person who you’re enjoying sex with regularly and then there’s not much reason to watch porn — in fact, it will likely hurt your performance in bed!
I don’t take a moralizing approach to this at all. I don’t see anything morally wrong with watching porn or masturbation. I put using porn in the same moral and hedonistic category as eating pizza…
- Pizza is not intrinsically good or bad.
- Eating pizza is a cheap yet consistent pleasure that doesn’t last long.
- Eating pizza every day is a bad idea that will make you profoundly unhealthy and generally unmotivated.
- You can eat pizza about once weekly but you won’t be in ideal health.
- You could eat pizza once monthly and still be very healthy.
- You could eat pizza just a few times yearly and be excellent health and not really miss pizza.
- You could completely give up pizza and replace it with a less pedestrian pleasure that gives you greater gastronomical enjoyment.
I’m a true hedonist who chooses the greater pleasure over the lesser pleasure and watching porn is a lesser pleasure compared to having a richer life because I’m motivated to go for everything that I want thanks to the No Fapping.
(I include my own stories when they are illustrative of a nuanced point)
The sexiest piece of furniture that I ever owned (and grew to hate…)
Young Americans have a bit of an absurd coming of age tradition, where at a very young age they move out of their parents’ homes and rent crappy, cheap completely bare apartments in bad parts of town and then splurge their very limited cash reserves on buying crappy furniture and chintzy interior appointments.
Living around the world I’ve learned that many other cultures do this much more sensibly; young people move out in their mid-twenties when they are more advanced in their careers or when they get married and they often move into furnished apartments with roommates.
The experience of glowing with pride, sitting alone, in your new-to-you (yet funny-smelling) apartment surrounded by a bunch of cheap stuff from Wal Mart is, as far as I can tell, a uniquely American one.
Many young Americans splurge disproportionate amounts of their income and savings on toys to show off to their friends who come over to their one-bedroom kingdoms; big-screen TVs, ridiculously overpowered stereo systems, guns, massive collections of bottles of alcohol, etc
Like so many male mammals, a young Jonathan Roseland was intent on converting his bedroom, in his tiny abode, into the ultimate seduction chamber…
I fell in love with this ridiculous style of mirrored black lacquer bedset, It was about 12 feet wide by 8 feet tall with huge 6-foot mirrors that reflected everything, it also had chrome dimmer lights and a secret compartment with a champagne case.
They cost about $2000 brand new but I managed to score an already loved one for just $300 off Craigslist.
To make it even more over the top I purchased about 10 body length mirrors which I placed opposite the mirrored bedset, kind of turning my bedroom into a funhouse of infinite reflections.
I moved a lot, every 6–12 months we had to disassemble this ridiculous thing. This damned thing required at least 3 people to move it. Every time it’s massive size, weight or proportions managed to injure just a little bit someone who I had convinced to help me move it.
It broke down into about 8 separate pieces that had to be put together like a jigsaw puzzle, requiring hours of tedious teamwork, yet I never managed to fit it together just right so it looked the way it’s supposed to!
This was such a cantankerous thing to own that I grew to hate it more than the leaky, squeaky old Porsche I once had. I was truly relieved the day I sold it!
I guess the advice I would go back and give a younger me is that the quantity and quality of your sex life are WAY more about your habits and what you know than it is about what you have.
Next, the specific of supplements, Biohacks, and strategies for dialing up the hedonism on, well, your favorite thing to do…
No-BS Supplements for Stellar Sex
Horny Goat Weed has a hard (Pun intended!) earned reputation, as an erection enhancer. This funnily named herb is a gamechanger for maximizing sexual hedonism and imbuing healthy masculine aggression and zest for life. While it has this effect in men of all ages, it’s a particularly effective agent for dealing with erectile dysfunction. To this effect it’s fast-acting, according to one user:
“I took it before bed, 30–40 minutes before sex, and oh my god, I had one of the best sex ever :) I decided to take it only on the day when I’m sure I will have sex. I took it 3 times and I can confirm that the sex is much better due to extremely hard and long lasting erections. This stuff makes me more sensitive, but on the same time I can have all under control”
The good news is that it definitely improves the sensation of sex by 25%-50%. If you take Horny Goat Wood before having protected sex with a condom it’s not going to make it feel like you are having unprotected sex but there is a difference in the sensation that is noticeable and pleasant. Order Horny Goat Weed
Organic Horny Goat Weed
Herbal Nootropics are a much more acute and enjoyable experience when taken as a tea. Taken in capsule form or just…
50 milligrams of DHEA supplemented daily will increase testosterone. From Dr. Joseph Mercola:
I advise using bioidentical hormones like DHEA… This substance is the most abundant precursor hormone in the human body. It is crucial for the creation of vital hormones, including testosterone and other sex hormones. I recommend using a trans-mucosal DHEA cream…
and rubbing it in, down there.
L-Glutamine is a favorite of bodybuilders because it in combination with BCAAs it’s a real testosterone hack! One of my newsletter subscribers reported:
L-Glutamine does wonders for my testosterone. The best way I can describe it is being in zone and feeling very primal!
Phenibut — While technically a gabaergic antidepressant, I regard Phenibut as an alcohol alternative and anecdotally it’s reported commonly as being a libido enhancer for women that can turn a shy pussy cat into a ravenous tigress. Order Phenibut
Phenibut by Peak Nootropics
(fenibut, phenybut) is a derivative of the natural neurotransmitter, GABA. GABA is not a nootropic neurotransmitter and…
Oxiracetam — Implementing these sex hacks is discipline intensive. So I’ll suggest that you use the Discipline Molecule. For 4–6 hours after dosing this subtle smart drug imbues a noticeably enhanced degree of self-control. Order Oxiracetam
Oxiracetam by Pure Nootropics
I’ve been doing Oxiracetam for about 3 months now and it is becoming one of my favorite smart drugs because, for me at…
Scream Cream — This transdermal cream has 4 vasodilation mechanisms that increase blood flow to — well, where we want the blood to flow too! Its active ingredient is testosterone, which spikes the women’s libido and richly enhances sensation.
I’ve heard at least several women describe this stuff in hyperbolic terms, apparently, it is a potent enabler of the vaginal orgasm.
Exogenous Oxytocin — Oxytocin is colloquially known as the love Neurotransmitter, it’s associated with orgasms, massages, mothers nursing their children and pro-social behavior.
Oxytocin by RUPharma
Yes, really! For Valentine’s Day last week me and my girlfriend took pharmaceutical grade exogenous Oxytocin from…
Here’s a source of none-prescription Oxytocin Spray that looks legit. It couldn’t hurt to use it with your partner. I’d venture that as a love drug the placebo effect is a whole lot more powerful than supplementing Oxytocin itself, so you would want to explain to your partner what Oxytocin Spray is.
“Erectile function and overall satisfaction scores after medication were significantly higher in the [mountain ginseng extract] group than in the placebo group…”
It’s a good idea to combine it with other libido promoting herbs like Maca, Ashwagandha or Cordyceps. Order 6-Year Red Korean Ginseng
Auragin: Authentic Korean Red Ginseng
I’ve used some other Ginseng tablets that don’t seem to dissolve so well.Like other Adaptogens I’ve used the subject…
“…kava significantly increased female’s sexual drive compared to placebo… with no negative effects seen in males. Further, it was found that there was a highly significant correlation between [Arizona Sexual Experience Scale]reduction (improved sexual function and performance) and anxiety reduction in the whole sample.”
From a 2012 study of 22 adults
“Acute “medicinal level” doses of this particular kava cultivar in naive users do not provide anxiolytic activity, although the phytomedicine also appears to have no negative effects on cognition.”
A thread on the Kava Forums includes several frank user accounts of its effects on sex and the reactions seem pretty mixed. So I’m going to categorize this herb as something worth trying but not a sure shot for spicing things up in the bedroom.
Deer Placenta — Yes, amongst herbal and Nutraceutical super-geeks Deer Placenta is regarded as quite the testosterone biohack! Unfortunately, all the evidence for this biohack is anecdotal, I could find no studies done on the beneficial effects of humans consuming placenta. Although it stands to reason that placenta whose job is to nourish the gestating baby deer is very high in beneficial nutrients. So I’ll try it! If for no reason other than just to spice up the conversation at dinner parties…
And no you don’t have to find a pregnant deer! You can purchase it encapsulated in supplemental form.
Yohimbe — The African bark extract is a male vitality hack with a dark side. You don’t have to look long online to come across reports of its undesirable side effects
What’s not debated is that it really dials up your libido. I will put this one in the category of worth trying at very low doses.
By Jonathan Roseland Connect Yohimbine is a fat burning Nutraceutical with a dark side which is worth the attention of…
Longjack Tongkat Ali — This pleasant herb has a spectrum of beneficial effects on the hormones and libido. I daily dosed it myself for several weeks and did not notice any classic Nootropic type effects, what I did really notice was the effect on libido, that it made my boners awesome! Even after I’d been drinking, or if I was wearing a condom or if I’d had sex a few hours prior.
LongJack Tongkat Ali
Ratings, reviews and information about LongJack Tongkat Ali by Focus Supplements.
I would NOT be able to enjoy vigorous lovemaking as frequently as I do if I wasn’t using these herbs. Don’t let your ego get in the way of you having the best sex life you can, if you’re over 25 years old use testosterone promoting herbs when you’re having sex. I recall several years ago at a decadent swinger party in Medellin, Colombia I was about to seal the deal with a curvaceous brown Colombian goddess BUT I’d had some to drink and as soon as I put on a condom I disappointingly went flaccid — that hasn’t happened to me on herbs.
Diet also makes a difference…
- You want to increase circulating nitric oxide before sex so get a lot of red beets on your plate.
- Anything that includes testosterone promoting nutrients is good so broccoli for the Magnesium and shellfish for the Zinc.
- Alcohol is anti-boner sauce, if you want to have great sex after drinking alcohol you should take an extra dose of the supplements mentioned and implement the sex hacks discussed.
Herbal Birth Control
While the purpose of sex is procreation we do it for recreation, once you start having sex frequently with someone special you need to start thinking seriously about parenthood. If this person is not the right partner to form a family with or if you’re not ready to be a parent you need to implement birth control. No birth control is guaranteed to work — life finds a way. A significant portion of human beings on this planet is totally unintentional side effects of a man and woman who were just trying to have a good time together. The mainstream contraceptive options are far from guaranteed to be effective and they can have some nasty side effects (mostly for the woman), thus I’d urge you to research and use herbal birth control.
In this article and podcast, I list the most credible herbal birth control options and my rationale for selecting and using them.
Tantra is not BS
Tantric practice is how you up your sex game — If you want a woman to really treat you like a king, you’re going to need to really spike her Oxytocin — the love hormone — which you could do the way I did by actually taking exogenous Oxytocin with my girl but it’s a lot more fun to do it the old fashioned way — making sure she orgasms during sex. If your woman experiences more orgasms than she’s accustomed to with you Oxytocin will make her quite addicted to you.
You may think you’re pretty good at sex but you can always get a lot better by habituating a tantric practice; this entails
- Strengthening your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle by doing Kegels.
- Practicing the tantric breathing techniques.
- Practicing masturbating (WITHOUT porn) and holding back from ejaculating.
There’s a couple of books on this topic worth reading and I’ve put together a couple of detailed articles on the topic here. There are two great books on the topic of tantric semen retention:
The Tao Of Health, Sex, and Longevity: A Modern Practical Guide to the Ancient Way
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know
This may sound like eastern spiritual wu-wu crap but it’s really made a difference for me, so I recommend it highly. I recall several years ago before I learned this stuff I seduced an 18-year-old girl in Kiev; I had been no fapping for some time and came after about 5 minutes. She was unimpressed and not interested in seeing me again in huge contrast to my experiences having attained some competence with the tantric semen retention methods.
Think and Grow Rich — The classic personal development book. Chapter 11 is about how sex drive is intertwined with the rest of life. That chapter is worth reading!
Think & Grow Rich
I first read this when I was like 19 or 20 years old, I’m 31 now. I’ve heard people say that this book kind of grows…
What if you don’t have anyone to DO IT with…?
Some single guys reading this may be thinking…
This multi-orgasmic tantra/biohacking sex stuff is VERY interesting but I don’t have anyone to do it with…
Trust me, the self-cultivation stage of tantric practice is a WHOLE LOT LESS fun than the tantric multi-orgasmic sex stage. If you don’t have a wife or a girlfriend you really are missing out on savoring the very sweet fruit of cultivating this skill set.
I’m not a big fan of the irrationally hopefully…
Just focus on improving yourself and the right person will come into your life
…approach to intimate relationships, I think it a useless self-help platitude and it’s never worked out that way for me. I’m all about taking action, ethical hedonism and re-purposing goals into daily habits.
So if you don’t have a girlfriend now or anyone to practice these tantric methods with the bottom line is that you need to improve your social skills… or to use a little more colorful parlance; to learn the art of seduction or game (for short).
Honestly, the best place to learn is from the Real Social Dynamics Youtube channels. The things they teach will get you laid and get women into your life. I’ve hung out with RSD trained pickup artists around the world, from Medellin to Kiev — if you apply what they teach you will have more sex.
However, there’s a couple of significant downsides to doing RSD-style game.
- You need to go out A LOT. The pickup artists who get laid consistently spend a lot of time going to the club; 4–5 nights a week and they spend hours and hours there, doing like a 100 cold approaches a week.
- Late nights. If you’re going to take this pickup artist thing seriously you have to be prepared to stay till closing time at bars and clubs — so 2 AM, 3 AM, 4 AM or even later.
- Club girls. I’m not so jaded and cynical as to say that it’s impossible to meet quality girls at clubs but it’s unlikely you’ll meet someone at a club that you would want to be in a long term relationship with. You want to make sure you’re having very safe sex with anyone you meet at a club. Clubs are great places to pick up a venereal disease.
- Drunks and smokers will surround you; you’re going to have to deal with a lot of stupid, obnoxious people to get what you want.
- Short term relationships. Most of RSD’s teaching is focused around short term relationships, the same night lay. Which I’m not really morally opposed to but pragmatically the best social science indicates that being in a long term relationship is the most healthy arrangement for both men and women, whereas serial short term relationships are quite bad for women and of dubious value for men.
These downsides are unacceptable to me.
- My time and sanity are just too valuable to me.
- I hate the music they play at big crazy clubs.
- I’m 33, I do recommend that younger men go clubbing, some of the very best experiences of my 20’s had to do with nightclubs but over time it really does lose its luster.
- Also, at least here in Europe where I live, we’re seeing so many terrorist attacks on nightclubs that I really wouldn’t want to be in a big popular nightclub more frequently than a couple of times a year. In one of my most popular podcasts, I interviewed street fight psychology expert and security consultant Richard Gannon who has well over a decade of experience bouncing at nightclubs around the world. His sage advice was…
- If you want to avoid violence don’t stay out past midnight.
A lot of pickup artists would say…
So… Do Daygame — approach girls in public during the daytime.
This is a pretty good option. I think the best guru for learning daygame is Tom Torero on Youtube.
However, my issue with daygame is that it’s time-consuming during the day. You might say…
But it only takes a few minutes to chat up a girl in a cafe or on public transit.
Yes, but in actuality, there is a learning curve to daygame that takes many hours, the daygame gurus say that to get started with the skill you need to do about 50 cold approaches a week, that comes out to at least an hour a day.
I’m quite busy during the day running my business and I’m just not able to devote that much time to daygame. Although I still do cold approaches a couple of times a week and I have met girls I’ve dated this way, it does work. Audaces fortuna juvat
I’d rather meet girls at night. I’d rather have my days compartmentalized as a time to work and my nights as a time to relax and socialize. I bet you feel the same and perhaps you’re thinking…
So what I’ll do is attend a lot of networking functions and public events and I’ll meet girls there!
Well, that kind of works…
- I’ve spent time in some cosmopolitan cities like Berlin, Medellin, and Barcelona where you can go to networking mixers and public events 7 nights a week and you will meet a lot of people. In fact, I recommend this to people who are really struggling with social anxiety.
- However, you really will have to shake the hands of a lot of BORING real estate agents, language teachers, computer programmers, and MLMers to meet someone that you would actually like to date. It’s pretty counter-intuitive to try to practice your game and meet girls at networking functions. I have gotten laid from going to these dorky networking functions but I had to go to a lot of them!
- Internations.org is the best, in my opinion, if I was going to go to public events, it would be theirs but big crazy nightclubs are a better option if your real reason for socializing is to meet girls.
I could, of course, join the masses and do online dating…
- Start swiping furiously on Tinder.
- Start spamming girls with some clever one-liners on Plenty of Fish.
- Fill out that giant personality compatibility matrix of eHarmoney.
But the downsides to online dating are huge…
- It’s really time-consuming. If you want to get results from it prepare to spend like 10 hours a week on it; clicking, liking, hearting photos, writing messages, chatting, etc. Don’t you already spend too much time online?
- Your looks really matter. Good looking guys do a whole lot better on online dating.
- The competition is insane! Good looking girls are being digitally solicited by hundreds or maybe even thousands of guys. Even girls who you would honestly classify as a 3/10 are getting attention and offers for dates.
- You don’t know what the girl looks like until she shows up on the date!
- Online dating has always seemed deeply unromantic to me because if the girl is even remotely attractive she has hundreds of other guys hitting on her. The guy is just a commodity that is utterly replaceable with a few swipes.
- Nothing is at stake emotionally for the girl and the guy is, of course, kind of a wimp really because he’s emotionally insulating himself from real rejection by doing it online. Really quite unromantic!
So is there a place to easily meet girls…
Who are feminine and sexy?
In the real world?
In the evening, when it’s not going to interfere with work?
Without having to do a bunch of superfluous networking and socializing with people I’m not interested in?
Without spending a lot of money?
Without wasting hours and hours?
Doing something fun?
Yes, there is. It’s…
- You can find them in almost every city in the world.
- They are frequented by attractive, feminine women; the type who takes care of themselves wearing heels and dresses.
- Salsa clubs have a good proportion of girls to guys. Sometimes a lot more girls than guys.
- Women often attend them solo or in easy to approach groups of two.
- Salsa clubs are nice places to hang out. The music is pleasant. You’re not surrounded by drunk people smoking.
- The salsa club crowd arrives earlier and goes home at a decent hour, usually by midnight. I’ve never seen a fight at a salsa club and I’d be a whole lot less concerned about violence there.
- Pickup artists don’t go to salsa clubs, so your competition is just other guys who like to salsa dance. Who I’m not very worried about.
You might be saying…
But I don’t know how to salsa dance. I’m a total wreck on the dance floor.
Salsa dancing is easy to learn, you can go from totally clueless to good enough in about 2 hours of private classes and it really is fun once you’ve gotten a little instruction.
If you’re a single guy lacking good prospects for your sex life, do some personal development, learn game, hit up a salsa club and you’ll be rewarded.
When I was younger some of the guys I was friends with had, in retrospect, very unethical hedonistic sex lives. They were proud of having casual, unprotected sex with lots of different partners. They would commit to being one girl’s boyfriend so that they could have all the unprotected sex they wanted with her and then when we were having a ‘guys night out’ after a few drinks they would start trying to hook up with other girls, sometimes successfully. Pretty unethical yet standard male behavior…
I’ve stayed friends with these guys on Facebook and what I see is that almost all of them as a result now have some kind of limited freedom in their sex lives. A lot of them have kids, some of them are single parents, some of them have crazy stress and financial commitment to the women they made babies with. A lot of them are committed in one way or another to mediocre women. Some of them have confided in me that they have spent thousands of dollars on abortions over the years.
What did I do differently? I always used condoms consistently in my casual sex life and I was never a serial monogamist, I would always tell girls on the first or second date that I was more of a polyamorous kind of guy, so they knew what they were getting into…
As a result of being ethical instead, I have enjoyed freedom along with limitless variety and hedonism in my sex life.
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