Sex and Dating Hacks for Him and Her
From my book How to Be Cross Eyed: Thriving Despite Your Physical Imperfection — a mémoire and lifehacking manifesto
Few men (or women) will really experience, either in intensity or frequency, sex that powerfully infuses the rest of their life with zest and vigor.
I’m a man with significant breadth and depth of sexual experiences but this chapter will include some lifehacks and supplements that I’m confident (either because of scientific research, meaningful anecdotal data or first hand experience) are biohacks for the fairer sex.
I’m hoping that one day virtual reality comes up with a way for me to experience sex as a woman, which is a weird thing for a straight male to write, I’m sure it will be an even weirder experience!
The specific supplements, Biohacks and strategies for dialing up the hedonism on, well, your favorite thing to do…
Supplements for Stellar Sex
Has a hard (Pun intended!) earned reputation, as an erection enhancer. This funnily named herb is a gamechanger for maximizing sexual hedonism and imbuing healthy masculine aggression and joie de vivre. While it has this effect in men of all ages, it’s a particularly effective agent for dealing with erectile dysfunction. To this effect it’s fast acting, according to one user:
“I took it before bed, 30–40 minutes before sex, and oh my god, I had one of the best sex ever :) I decided to take it only on the day when I’m sure I will have sex. I took it 3 times and I can confirm that the sex is much better due to extremely hard and long lasting erections. This stuff makes me more sensitive, but on the same time I can have all under control”
The good news is that it improves the sensation of sex by 25%-50%. If you take Horny Goat Wood before having protected sex with a condom it’s not going to make it feel like you are having unprotected sex but there is a difference in sensation that is noticeable and pleasant.
You can find horny goat weed or Epimedium (its technical name) at nearly any pharmacy or vitamin store but the quality is unpredictable. You want to get pure organic stuff. I really prefer powdered Epimedium because it makes a very pleasant, earthy tasting precoital herbal tea.
Organic Horny Goat Weed
Herbal Nootropics are a much more acute and enjoyable experience when taken as a tea. Taken in capsule form or just…
A two chemicals in it, Icaritin and Desmethylicaritin, work a little bit differently in women to boost the levels of the female hormone.
This transdermal cream has four vasodilation mechanisms that increase blood flow to — well, where we really want blood to flow to! Its active ingredient is actually testosterone, which spikes the woman’s libido and richly enhances sensation.
I’ve heard at least several women describe this stuff in hyperbolic terms, apparently it really is a potent enabler of the vaginal orgasm.
Oxytocin is colloquially known as the love Neurotransmitter, it’s associated with orgasms, massages, mothers nursing their children and pro-social behavior.
Oxytocin by RUPharma
Yes, really! For Valentine’s Day last week me and my girlfriend took pharmaceutical grade exogenous Oxytocin from…
Here’s a source of non-prescription Oxytocin Spray that looks legit. It couldn’t hurt to use it with your partner. I’d venture that as a love drug the placebo effect is a whole lot more powerful than supplementing Oxytocin itself, so you would want to explain to your partner what Oxytocin Spray is.
Will make her sing! A 2009 Korean study of 143 men experiencing erectile dysfunction, concluded after 8 weeks of treatment at 2 grams daily:
“Erectile function and overall satisfaction scores after medication were significantly higher [with the mountain ginseng extract] group than in the placebo group…”
Effects of tissue-cultured mountain ginseng (Panax ginseng CA Meyer) extract on male patients with…
Asian J Androl. 2009 May;11(3):356-61. doi: 10.1038/aja.2008.32. Epub 2009 Feb 23. Randomized Controlled Trial…
It’s a good idea to combine it with other libido promoting herbs like Maca, Ashwagandha or Cordyceps.
Auragin: Authentic Korean Red Ginseng
I’ve used some other Ginseng tablets that don’t seem to dissolve so well.Like other Adaptogens I’ve used the subject…
While technically a gabaergic antidepressant, I regard Phenibut as an alcohol alternative and anecdotally it’s reported commonly as being a libido enhancer for women that can turn a shy pussy cat into a ravenous tigress.
This African bark extract is a male vitality hack with a darkside. You don’t have to look long online to come across reports of its undesirable side effects
What’s not debated is that it really dials up your libido. I will put this one in the category of worth trying at very low doses.
Yohimbine the Incubus-Adonis Herb
Yohimbine is a fat burning Nutraceutical with a dark side which is worth the attention of those seeking to sculpt…
This pleasant herb has a spectrum of beneficial effects on the hormones and libido. I daily dosed it myself for several weeks and did not notice any classic Nootropic type effects, what I did really notice was the effect on libido, that it made my boners awesome! Even after I’d been drinking, or if I was wearing a condom or if I’d had sex a few hours prior.
LongJack Tongkat Ali
Ratings, reviews and information about LongJack Tongkat Ali by Focus Supplements.
I would NOT be able to enjoy vigorous love making as frequently as I do if I wasn’t using these herbs. Don’t let your ego get in the way of you having the best sex life you can, if you’re over 25 years old use testosterone promoting herbs when you’re having sex. I recall several years ago at a decadent swinger party in Medellin, Colombia I was about to seal the deal with a curvaceous brown Colombian goddess BUT I’d had some to drink and as soon as I put on a condom I disappointingly went flaccid — that hasn’t happened to me on these herbs!
This simple exercise is a real sex hack for him and her. You want to flex your pubococcygeus muscles repeatedly, this is the muscle that you contract and release when you urinate or stop urinating, holding it in. When you do a proper kegel you feel the pelvic floor between your genitals and your anus firm up. Exercising your PC muscle with kegels daily has several benefits…
- It helps men last longer in bed. Say goodbye to premature ejaculation!
- It improves arousal, orgasm, and general sexual satisfaction for women according to a recent study of 145 women.
- It improves urinary incontinence; meaning you won’t need to go pee quite so often.
Women found that these exercises could also increase their sexual desire, intensify their orgasms, and help them become multi-orgasmic. Strengthening this muscle, as we have mentioned earlier, is equally important for a man’s pelvic health and sexual pleasure.
Diet also makes a difference…
- You want to increase circulating nitric oxide before sex so get a lot of red beets on your plate.
- Anything that includes testosterone promoting nutrients is good so broccoli for the Magnesium and shellfish for the Zinc.
- Alcohol is anti-boner sauce, if you want to have great sex after drinking alcohol you should really take an extra dose of the supplements mentioned and implement the sex hacks discussed.
You’re an IDIOT if you like feminine women and DON’T go salsa dancing!
A lot of my readers who are single guys tell me…
This multi-orgasmic tantra/biohacking sex stuff is VERY interesting but I don’t have anyone to do it with…
Trust me, the self cultivation stage of tantric practice is a WHOLE LOT LESS fun than the tantric multi-orgasmic sex stage. If you don’t have a wife or a girlfriend you really are missing out on savoring the very sweet fruit of cultivating this skill set.
I’m not a big fan of the irrationally hopeful…
Just focus on improving yourself and the right person will come into your life
…approach to intimate relationships, I think it’s a useless self help platitude and it’s never worked out that way for me. I’m all about taking action, ethical hedonism and re-purposing goals into daily habits.
If you don’t have a girlfriend now or anyone to practice these tantric methods with the bottom line is that you need to improve your social skills… or to use a little more colorful parlance; to learn the art of seduction or game (for short).
Honestly, the best place to learn is from the Real Social Dynamics Youtube channels. The things they teach will get you laid and get women into your life. I’ve hung out with RSD trained pickup artists around the world, from Medellin to Kiev — if you apply what they teach you will have more sex.
However, there’s a couple of significant downsides to doing RSD-style game.
- You need to go out A LOT. The pickup artists who really get laid consistently spend a lot of time going to the club; 4–5 nights a week and they spend hours and hours there, doing like a 100 cold approaches a week.
- Late nights. If you’re really going to take this pickup artist thing seriously you have to be prepared to stay till closing time at bars and clubs — so 2AM, 3AM, 4AM or even later.
- Club girls. I’m not so jaded and cynical to say that it’s impossible to meet quality girls at clubs but it’s unlikely you’ll meet someone at a club that you would want to be in a long term relationship with. You want to make sure you’re having very safe sex with anyone you meet at a club. Clubs are great places to pickup a venereal disease.
- Drunks and smokers will surround you; you’re going to have to deal with a lot of stupid, obnoxious people to get what you want.
- Short term relationships. Most of RSD’s teaching is focused around short term relationships, the same night lay. Which I’m not really morally opposed to but pragmatically the best social science indicates that being in a long term relationship is the most healthy arrangement for both men and women, whereas serial short term relationships are quite bad for women and of dubious value for men.
Marital status, health and mortality
Marital status and living arrangements, along with changes in these in mid-life and older ages, have implications for…
These downsides are unacceptable to me.
- My time and sanity is just too valuable to me.
- I hate the shitty music they play at big crazy clubs.
- I’m 33, I do recommend that younger men go clubbing, some of the very best experiences of my 20’s had to do with nightclubs but over time it really does lose its luster.
- Also, at least here in Europe where I live we’re seeing so many terrorist attacks on nightclubs that I really wouldn’t want to be in a big popular nightclub more frequently than a couple times a year. In one of my most listened to podcasts, I interviewed street fight psychology expert and security consultant Richard Gannon who has well over a decade of experience bouncing at nightclubs around the world. His sage advice was…
If you want to avoid violence don’t stay out past midnight.
#29 Street Fight Psychology Expert Richard Grannon - Limitless Mindset
In this episode I'm joined by street fight psychology expert Richard Gannon of StreetFightSecrets.com, a veteran…
A lot of pickup artists would say…
So… Do Daygame — approach girls in public during the daytime.
This is a pretty good option. I think the best guru for learning daygame is Tom Torero on Youtube.
However, my issue with daygame is that it’s time consuming during the day. You might say…
But it only takes a few minutes to chat up a girl in a cafe or on public transit.
Yes, but in actuality there is a learning curve to daygame that takes many hours, the daygame gurus say that to get started with the skill you need to do about 50 cold approaches a week, that comes out to at least an hour a day.
I’m quite busy during the day running my business and I’m just not able to devote that much time to daygame. Although, when I was single I still did cold approaches a couple times a week and I have met girls I’ve dated this way, it does work — Audaces fortuna juvat gentlmen!
I’d really rather meet girls at night
I’d really rather have my days compartmentalized as a time to work and my nights as a time to relax and socialize. I bet you feel the same and perhaps you’re thinking…
So what I’ll do is attend a lot networking functions and public events and I’ll meet girls there!
Well, that kind of works…
- I’ve spent time in some really cosmopolitan cities like Berlin, Medellin and Barcelona where you can go to networking mixers and public events seven nights a week and you will meet a lot of people. In fact I recommend this to people who are really struggling with social anxiety.
- However, you really will have to shake the hands of a lot of BORING real estate agents, language teachers, computer programmers and MLMers to meet someone that you would actually like to date. It’s really pretty counter intuitive to try to practice your game and meet girls at networking functions. I have gotten laid from going to these dorky networking functions but I had to go to a lot of them!
- Internations.org is the best in my opinion, if I was going to go to public events, it would be theirs but big crazy nightclubs are really a better option if your real reason for socializing is to meet girls.
You could of course join the masses and do online dating…
- Start swiping furiously on Tinder.
- Start spamming girls with some clever one-liners on Plenty of Fish.
- Fill out eHarmony’s giant personality compatibility matrix.
But the downsides to online dating are huge…
- It’s really time consuming. If you really want to get results from it prepare to spend like 10 hours a week on it; clicking, liking, hearting photos, writing messages, chatting, etc. Don’t you already spend too much time online?
- Your looks really matter. Good looking guys do a whole lot better on online dating.
- The competition is insane! Good looking girls are being digitally solicited by hundreds or maybe even thousands of guys. Even girls who you would honestly classify as a 3/10 are getting attention and offers for dates.
- You don’t actually know what the girl looks like until she shows up on the date!
- Online dating has always seemed deeply unromantic to me because if the girl is even remotely attractive she has hundreds of other guys hitting on her. The guy is just a commodity that is utterly replaceable with a few swipes.
- Nothing is at stake emotionally for the girl and the guy is of course kind of a wimp really because he’s emotionally insulating himself from real rejection by doing it online. Online dating is really a quite unromantic endeavor!
So is there a place to easily meet girls…
Who are actually feminine and sexy?
In the real world?
In the evening, when it’s not going to interfere with work?
Without having to do a bunch of superfluous networking and socializing with people I’m not interested in?
Without spending a lot of money?
Without wasting hours and hours of time?
Doing something that’s actually fun?
Yes there is. It’s…
- You can find them in almost every city in the world.
- They are frequented by attractive, feminine women; the type who take care of themselves wearing heels and dresses.
- Salsa clubs have a good proportion of girls to guys. Sometimes a lot more girls than guys!
- Women often attend them solo or in easy to approach groups of two.
- Salsa clubs are actually nice places to hang out. The music is pleasant. You’re not surrounded by drunk people smoking.
- The salsa club crowd arrives earlier and goes home at a decent hour, usually by midnight. I’ve never seen a fight at a salsa club and I’d be a whole lot less concerned about violence there.
- Pickup artists don’t really go to salsa clubs en masse, so your competition is just other guys who like to salsa dance. Who I’m not very worried about.
You might be saying…
But I don’t know how to salsa dance. I’m a total wreck on the dance floor.
Salsa dancing is easy to learn, you can go from totally clueless to good enough in about 2 hours of private classes and it really is fun once you’ve gotten a little instruction.
Don’t be an idiot
If you’re a single guy lacking good prospects for your sex life, do some personal development, learn game, hit up a salsa club and you’ll be rewarded!
I know that many women find dating challenging. In my own social circle there’s a few cute, single ladies who are a bit frustrated struggling to find boyfriends. I want to recognize that courtship, dating and mating in modernity is confusing for everyone!
I enthusiastically recommend salsa dancing to women also — you’ll meet some masculine men who are in touch with their bodies and know how to handle a woman (along with some gay guys who just love to dance) but I’d urge you to think a little deeper about what you want in a partner…
One of the keys to long term success and happiness in dating for everyone (but probably more so for women) that the relationships gurus don’t tell you about is that you actually don’t want to date someone who you find 10/10 sexy. You want to resist the temptation to date someone you find extremely stimulating. The reason being is that sexiness is intoxicating (something that poets and philosophers have been telling us since time immemorial) it severely clouds our reasoning and decision making. When you instead date someone who is a 7/10 or 8/10 you retain the ability to make good decisions that will make you happier in the long term.
I’m not just preaching here, I actually practice this…
A few years ago I was introduced to a very sexy Colombian girl with sultry eyes in a little black cocktail dress who was clearly trouble. After a bit of flirtatious conversation she assailed me on the dancefloor of a club with this vigorous vertical lap dance. She smoked cigarettes, she liked to drink and she seemed to be acquainted with a number of questionable characters. After a few very arousing hours at the club that felt like mere moments, she was quite excited to give me her digital contact details. The next day I’d sobered up (in more ways than one), I pondered texting her and decided to delete her number, thinking to myself…
Do I really want to waste more time and money seducing another one of these flaky, dramatic, vapid and entitled Colombian women?
As sexy as I found her I was reaching a new paradigm of standards with myself and women. There was three major deal breakers that experience had taught me to stay away from; smoking, drinking and being a single mother.
She was on the periphery of a social circle where I had significant social cache so I could have dated her. But I knew that as soon as I got her out on a date my IQ would lower by about 15 points, my standards would go out the window and I would start making all sorts of questionable decisions.
If you actually want a healthy, happy and sustainable relationship and you value your sanity I’d urge you to pass on that person who is intoxicatingly sexy.
Someone might respond to this…
Jonathan are you saying that 10/10 sexy people don’t deserve love?!
Trust me: nothing I advocate is going to prevent the sexiest of people from finding love. The kind of person reading this is likely an ethical hedonist that wants to enjoy the good things in life but in a healthy, sustainable way. That kind of person is going to do much better being in a relationship with someone who is not extremely stimulating or intoxicates their judgement.
My mom’s story is very illustrative of an approach to dating that works
My mom has had an extraordinarily happy second marriage for about a decade now. Every time I interact with her husband I’m amazed at what a virtuous, competent, masculine and charming person my mother managed to marry. Her and my father divorced in my late teens. Her prospects were bleak back out on the dating market as a pudgy, suburban mother of four in her mid 40’s. She upgraded her wardrobe, got back on that exercise equipment gathering dust in the basement and proceeded to crash and burn trying the online dating thing. She had rather high demands of commitment, she would not sleep with any man until they were married. This resulted in a lot of first dates that went nowhere. She attended Toastmasters which is a club for learning and practicing public speaking. There is Toastmasters chapters around the world and they are consistently attended by high quality people interested in professional and personal development. She started dating this retired military officer who was one of the long time Toastmasters members and organizers. He invited her to go on a cruise with him and she insisted that they get married first. He agreed and they got married. How many divorcées like my mom languish for decades in singledom growing increasingly cynical and bitter instead of finding true love? Probably most right? Clearly my mom did something smart…
Having high, uncompromising standards + spending time with high quality people seems to be a pretty sure bet for finding true love or a healthy relationship. In fact that’s…
Million Dollar Dating Advice
At least one woman that I’ve heard of has become a millionaire thanks to this high end networking approach to dating. There was a slightly middle aged yet attractive woman who wanted to marry well. So she invested a few hundred dollars in Berkshire Hathaway stock, the minimum amount needed to attend the annual shareholders conference in Omaha, Nebraska. She made an effort to look good and unsurprisingly as one of the very few women at the conference she was deluged with attention from the other shareholders. She collected a number of business cards and contacts, went on to date several of the wealthy men she met there, fell in love with one of them (who apparently didn’t see the need for a prenuptial agreement), married and ultimately became a millionaire because of their shared assets!
If I were a single woman I don’t know if I would go all the way to Omaha though. I’d probably just place myself at local events attended largely by objectively higher quality men — gold investing groups, hunting and shooting clubs, entrepreneurship clubs, mindfulness groups, fitness clubs, conservative political conferences, etc — and make an effort to look attractive and approachable. Matriarchs of aristocratic families used to advise their daughters, if you want to marry well, like to a doctor, go hang out in the medical library of your university. Look cute and just wait for a future wealthy doctor to approach you. Now more appropriate advice would probably be to find a software or technology developer meetup, look cute and go socialize with some future dot com millionaires. It certainly won’t be as stimulating as drinking $12 cocktails in a club while some overconfident character teases you and caresses your lower back but unlike so many utterly fruitless approaches to dating it stands a chance of really paying off. Paying off big!
I can imagine someone objecting to my advice here…
Putting on make up and pretending that I’m interested in investing or software development seems like such a scheming, maneuvering and kind of unromantic approach to dating! I’d rather find love naturally! The most important thing is chemistry not net worth!
Just follow your heart is the mainstream advice that the Hollywood-entertainment industrial complex has indoctrinated many young people into believing. But it’s not really good advice for lifehackers or those disadvantaged by a conspicuous physical imperfection. I’m urging you to take a little more proactive approaching to your dating and mating. It is unadulterated naivety to just follow your heart, let life happen to you and hope that in the increasingly cruel and narcissistic dating marketplace you’ll find something meaningful.
Surprise! This is Jonathan’s wife…
Who is very excited to announce that me and our talented writer here got married recently, and of course I am the happiest woman in the world! And now you might be thinking:
“No way! Thus far Jonathan sounds like a womanizer who just travels from country to country and has shallow, mostly short-term sexual relationships… What on Earth have you done to make such an adventurous, promiscuous man change his mind, therefore his lifestyle and commit to you?!”
Well, to be honest… I don’t have any secret life hacks for turning a player into a husband. But I’ll hereby tell you what happened in a nutshell and you guys can draw your own conclusions…
A little bit about me. The two of us are peers. I mean I’m not some 20 year old bimbo whose main goal in life is to spend hours in front of the mirror or in the hairdresser’s saloon. Here you have a pretty normal, curvaceous but still slender girl, with hazel eyes. Prior to meeting Jonathan I almost wouldn’t wear dresses, skirts or heels. Not that I would dress like a dork but I would just not doll myself up very often. I was also never a makeup fan. I’m generally happy with my skin so I don’t feel that cosmetics is so much necessary until I turn, let’s say… 40. I’m no Instagram queen albeit I’m more or less attractive. Anyway…
Initially when me and Jonathan met for the first time I had no idea that I was even going to see him again. He told me that he was leaving the country in a few days and wasn’t sure if he would be back. We had a nice friendly conversation and just went about our lives. But I remained quite fascinated by him. His vibe, voice, genuine intelligence and cute smile had totally captivated me. I must say that nobody else had managed to accomplish this to such an extent for over 10 years! I remember him talking and me just listening to him in awe. The next time we saw each other was about a month later in a social setting. I once more had no clue if I was going to encounter him again although we had exchanged contact information. Eventually, no matter how weird it may sound, one rainy evening I decided to run the risk and ask him out. It was a great first date! He was sweet and charming and we had a lovely time together… Jonathan made a move on me and kissed me a few times which resulted in my head spinning… After that though he didn’t contact me for almost a week so I texted him, which in general was not very typical of me. And guess what? He invited me to join him salsa dancing! I hadn’t danced before and I was a bit ashamed considering I was a total wreck on the dancefloor as opposed to him who seemed to be dancing like a pro. So after that evening we started seeing each other more often despite him being a little flaky in the beginning.
Not very long afterwards we took a few trips out of town together and it was simply magical. Before one of these he told me that he either had to find an apartment to rent or just go elsewhere. Now I didn’t want him to leave Bulgaria so I did everything I could to help him out and several days later he moved into a decent flat in the heart of the city, where he lived for quite a long time. I would often visit him after work and would sometimes bring him stuff I knew he liked, like hot pumpkin soup or dark chocolate. I would also help him clean up his room now and then and would be his personal interpreter whenever he needed me as he didn’t really understand our language. Once I was there with him when he was paying his cell phone bill and the employee asked me about his vision. I told her he was cross eyed and she offered him a 50% discount per month which was an amazingly sweet deal. I was just trying to be nice to him as much as possible and to treat him the way I wanted him to treat me.
In my eyes this guy was much prettier than a lot of others with “perfect” features. To me he was attractive despite his crossed eye and basically I never had a problem with that! Actually, I totally stopped even noticing it soon after we’d started dating! On top of all, he was smart, noble, funny and definitely knew how to handle and respect a woman — something that many men nowadays don’t! But he happened to be a true gentleman! Also… it was more than clear to me that he had quite a bit of experience in bed but still his master skills weren’t the only thing that made our lovemaking feel like heaven… there was just a ton of great chemistry between us! I loved spending time with him but had warned myself that it was all temporary… that we were simply having fun because Jonathan wouldn’t stop talking about leaving the country and seeking new adventures elsewhere, including new girls. Well, I guess you can imagine now that not very many women would put up with such stuff. I wouldn’t have either if I had been determined to have a serious relationship at the time. Instead, I would always tell him that I was going to be ok if he left, that I was going to get over him faster than he thought and I never asked him to stay. Not because I didn’t want him to but because he was a free man and could do whatever he wanted.
I remember one night back at his place… It was around Christmas and we were cuddling on the couch talking about our upcoming trip. All of a sudden Jonathan changed the subject and was like…
“I think I’m gonna leave in the beginning of spring because I want to travel a bit more around Europe before I go back to the US and spend my birthday with my friends there.”
It was dark in the hallway where we were. All lights were out so he couldn’t see the tears which started rolling down my face. He only heard me saying “Ok, I bet they’ll be happy to see you again”. I knew he was a very risky person and could have broken my heart. That’s why I kept deluding myself that I didn’t care about him more than I should and that I had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever. I was scared to admit the opposite and kept denying it for a while because even though Jonathan had started giving me signs that he felt the same way about me, I still thought that our relationship was doomed due to his adventurous spirit and craving for novelty. So I just decided to go with the flow and enjoy every moment with him as much as I could. I never pressured him and tried not to bother him during the day when I knew he should be working unless it was some kind of an emergency or if I wanted to surprise him with something I was sure he would like. I knew he loved reading at night and that’s why I gave him my tablet because he would do it on his phone and I didn’t want him to hurt his eyes more than he already was during the day on his laptop. I also set an appointment for him to visit an ophtalmologist and took him there myself. I was just happy to be taking care of him. Ever since we’ve known each other Jonathan had to face a few ordeals, including his Youtube channel being banned. All I did was to simply be there for him and try to support him no matter what. I thought to myself
If it’s meant to be it will be. If not, you’ll remain with the saddest but sweetest memories ever. Just sit back and time will tell.
Surprisingly, but undoubtedly Jonathan happened to be the man who restored my long lost faith in true love so he wasn’t the only one who went through some kind of transformation. I’ve had my share, too. When we met my self esteem was kind of low and I used to smoke cigarettes. One evening he told me that he cared about me very much and asked me to quit. I hesitated in the beginning because I liked the bad habit but eventually gave them up and actually feel a lot better now. Not to mention that I’m much more confident than before. I didn’t quit just for him but for myself and I know that he’s proud of me. I’ve also learnt a whole bunch of stuff from him so far. Believe me, guys he’s a very patient person since he’s not tired of all my questions yet.
Fast forward to today… Me and Jonathan just came back from a very romantic honeymoon in the mountains. We live together, have declared our feelings for each other months ago and we can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives looking in the same direction. We don’t say “I love you” to each other very often but that’s ok as it shows in our smiles, eyes and actions. I feel how much I mean to him every night when he reads to me or tells me a bedtime story and then holds me in his arms while we go to sleep. I’m pretty sure he knows how much he means to me as well every time I give him a spontaneous hug out of nowhere, run my fingers lovingly through his dark, thick, unruly hair or am being silly just to make him laugh. I’ve finally found a man who’s worth the effort in the long haul. I see him as an amazing lover, a life partner, my future children’s father and my best friend. He was a player when we met. Now he’s a serious man who is ready to start a family and commit himself to only one woman.
For the longest time I had no idea how that happened. I don’t have a recipe for turning a player into a husband. When I asked Jonathan about this he told me simply that I was the most caring and thoughtful woman he’s ever had in his life.
The world is full of beautiful women, on TV, on the Internet, shopping at the mall and in every salsa club. Considerate women who really take care of their man are much more rare but just as attractive in a more meaningful way.
I was just being myself and was also helping him to completely be himself, too. I showed that sweet but kind of bitter American guy what it felt like to be loved and appreciated for who you are as a person, not what people see you for. And I was handsomely rewarded with his love in return. The greatest gift of all.
Herbal Birth Control
A very personal anecdote…
A couple of years ago when I was living in South America I faced quite a dilemma in regards to birth control. I was dating this lovely 21 year old Colombian university student.
One night that we had a date scheduled she told me she was feeling sick; so I hopped in a little taxi that drove recklessly through the streets of Medellin to bring her chocolate.
In a moment that brought me back to high school, we were cuddling on her bed pretending to watch a movie while trysting and listening warily for her madre’s footsteps coming down the hallway to make sure that she was being a good catholic girl!
She nonchalantly mentioned to me that she was feeling sick because she had just started taking the pill.
Now this Colombiana will remain forever young and nubile in my imagination. She was eager to please and would purrrrr like a cat in bed. It was truly glorious making love to her.
The prospect of her most intimate embrace without protection was truly tantalizing, but as an informed Biohacker I knew that the pill was seriously bad news for women’s health. So I found myself in quite a predicament, but I really did care for her and she was a pretty sharp girl, who at least pretended to share my passion for all things healthy. So I resolved to talk to her about my reservations about the pill and my willingness to keep using condoms.
Ultimately, I failed to provide her the emotional roller-coaster that the intoxicating women of that country so crave, we stopped seeing each other and the dilemma resolved itself.
However; if I had known about herbal birth control and Vitamin B17 I would have had a viable contraceptive option that satisfied both my bioethics and my most primal desires.
A Dubious Contraceptive Method
Vitamin B17 and apricot seeds in particular likely prevent pregnancy and can even be used for an herbal abortion (yes, that’s a thing!)
From The Tao Of Health, Sex, and Longevity:
For thousands of years, the young women of Polynesia have enjoyed complete and uninhibited sexual freedom prior to marriage, with no worries about unwanted pregnancy. Their secret is to eat a few handfuls of papaya seeds every day. The active ingredient responsible for their freedom from pregnancy is vitamin B17, more popularly known as laetrile, the controversial drug banned in the United States due to unproven claims that it can prevent and help cure cancer. (4571–4574)
Vitamin B17/Amygdalin Supplements and Apricot Seeds | Apricot Power
Your source for California-grown apricot seeds and vitamin B17 supplements. If you're curious about amygdalin or…
From the queerly named book Herbal Abortion: the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge
If you made love with a man during your fertile time (for example, days 10–16 in a 28 day cycle), and you do not wish to be pregnant, here is what you do:
1. After unprotected intercourse on a potentially fertile day, begin eating 5–10 apricot kernels 3 times a day. Continue this until your period comes. This prevents implantation. (The same effect can be achieved with high levels of Vitamin C in this way. Use more than 10 grams per day.)
Herbal Abortion: The Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge : Uni M. Tiamat : Free Download, Borrow, and…
Herbal Abortion Handbook
Is this scientifically proven? Not really.
However, there’s a significant quantity of positive anecdotal evidence and a stark lack of nocebo reports; which you would especially expect for a birth control measure. If you wear a BrandX condom but somehow end up impregnating Jyll who you met at the Ladies Night at Sky Bar you’re going to warn everyone you can for the rest of your existence against buying those damn leaky BrandX condoms!
Also, consider that since time immemorial there’s been a significant economic incentive for those who work in the world’s oldest profession to prevent pregnancy. People have been having sex in exchange for money ever since we invented money, so these herbal medicinal traditions arise as a result of pragmatism not mysticism. Anything that didn’t actually work surely would not have been passed down through the ages from madam, to courtisan, to pimp, to street walker…
I’ve used a combination of natural rhythm, pull out method and B17 extract for nearly two years now with my girlfriend with no pregnancy scares. I’d encourage you to use herbal birth control if you’re in a long term relationship where pregnancy is undesirable, yet not unacceptable. I would rather have her using a herbal birth control strategy than the pill which is going to fundamentally alter her hormones, psychology and libido.
Depending upon which sexpert you listen to; the pullout method is actually just a little less effective than using condoms. If a woman uses the birth control pill imperfectly — namely forgetting to take it at the same time every day — its effectiveness in preventing a little bundle of joy decreases detrimentally.
How many stories have you heard of people that had an unexpected pregnancy even while using mainstream birth control methods?
Maybe it’s even happened to you!
I wouldn’t depend upon herbal birth control alone if I was sleeping with someone who I really did not want to have a child with. The amalgamation of the limited science done and the preponderance of anecdotal accounts online don’t give me the confidence to bet at least $250,000 and 18 years of my life on herbal birth control working.
Conversely though, given the unreliability of conventional birth control methods, if I were sleeping regularly with someone who I really didn’t want to make babies with I would hedge my bets and supplement the normal contraceptives with herbal birth control. Specifically…
Californian apricot seeds ($20) — Nan Koehler, midwife guru and herbalist, holds Apricot Kernels in high esteem as a birth control method. She recommends women take 5–10 apricot kernels three times a day from sex until menstruation.
Queen Anne’s Lace ($12) — Also sometimes known as Wild Carrot but since I’m a geek I’m going to refer to it acronymically as QAL, should be used episodically in increments after sex. I scoured the internet searching for reviews or cases of QAL not working and remarkably I didn’t find any! Which you would totally expect if it was less effective than mainstream contraceptives.
Neem Oil ($16) — Is spermacidal and a fairly effective form of episodic birth control according to the paper Neem: A Tree For Solving Global Problems. It should be noted that this paper and the studies referenced in it are over 20 years old, which effects their credibility. If you don’t like the smell of the oil the man can just take it in capsule form episodically, so it’s one of the few rare male contraceptives!
Rutin — 500 milligrams taken daily after fertilizing intercourse until menstruation begins.
If I had my partner use all of them properly, the cumulative contraceptive effectiveness would be pretty close to 100%. Especially, if I’m also using the much maligned pull out method and Taoist semen retention methods, the chances of inadvertently making a little Roseland are virtually nil.
While the purpose of sex is procreation we do it for recreation, once you start having sex frequently with someone special you need to start thinking seriously about parenthood. If this person is not the right partner to form a family with or if you’re not ready to be a parent you need to implement birth control. No birth control is guaranteed to work — life finds a way. A significant portion of human beings on this planet are totally unintentional side effects of a man and woman who were just trying to have a good time together. The mainstream contraceptive options are far from guaranteed to be effective and they can have some nasty side effects (mostly for the woman), thus I’d urge you to research and use herbal birth control.
Some maybe reading this chapter with a growing ethical discomfort about the idea of aborting a pregnancy and the truth is that I identified as a Pro-Lifer for the longest time, however upon more robust philosophical examination I recognized that it’s a false dichotomy that you have to be in one of these militant Pro-Choice or Pro-Life camps. There’s a 3rd (and much more scientific and rational) approach to this issue that allows us to totally respect women’s rights and bodies while also respecting human life. I believe in women’s rights, I believe in the unborn human’s rights but I do not believe in embryonic rights. After 8 weeks of gestation or after the first trimester the amorphous combination of the cells transforms into something that has all of the characteristics that we define as human (heart beat, brain waves, distinct internal organs, eyes, fingers, etc).
So the most ethical public policy would be to give women 8 weeks to make their reproductive choice, which is sufficient time for an adult to make a serious life decision. After those 8 weeks what’s growing within them is objectively a human being and should be treated as such. This approach accounts for all the classic Pro-Choice arguments and is compatible with the herbal birth control strategy I outline above.
- If you’re a male over 25 years take libido and testosterone enhancing herbs like Horny Goat Weed.
- If you don’t have anyone to practice tantra with go salsa dancing.
- For healthier long term relationships don’t date people you find 10/10 sexy.
- To meet good people go to events where you’re surrounded with higher quality people.
- Herbal birth control is a win-win for better health, better mood and better sex.