A lot of guy’s issue with social anxiety is that they lack social motivation. After a long day or week of work, they just cannot be bothered to go out.
Or perhaps, if you’re like a lot of guys I talk to, you would be motivated to go out and practice your social skills if you knew you were going to be connecting with intellectual equals. If you knew you were going to go out and meet people who you could have stimulating conversations with, who you were actually attracted to, you would actually go to the trouble of getting out of the house. When you do go out and socialize you often find yourself bored by the quality (or virtual lack) of (coherent) conversation. It seems like you have to get so far outside of your comfort zone to meet people who seem like they are barely a few IQ points north of being retarded. Why even bother?
This is a bit of a catch-22 because to really connect with the people you want to; people that actually turn you on in one way or another, you are going to need to develop your social skills. Right now, if we are honest, your social skills are probably not up to par to connect meaningfully with these people.
Following the Limitless Mindset model of High Leverage Skill Set Acquisition, we want to learn fast, we don’t want to bash our heads against the wall for years trying to learn something. High leverage social skillset acquisition entails taking social risks and getting a lot of reference experiences in a relatively short period, like the 10 weeks in the Social Anxiety Protocol.
Are you going to take all those social risks within your current social group or with your coworkers? Probably not. Unless you don’t mind losing your current group of friends or jeopardizing your career.
So to take these social risks you really need to embrace connecting with, we will call them, intellectual subordinates. You need to get excited about taking social risks with the people you perceive as (maybe) being below your level. This is a bit of a catch-22 if you are not motivated to socialize with anything less than the highest caliber of people. This is where No FAP is key. It will double or even triple your motivation to get out and get social with everyone.
No FAP is one of my top secret weapons for a limitless lifestyle and having the motivation to do everything I want. Well, it has been up until now, since this is the first time I’ve written publicly about it. You’ve probably heard someone say, I wish I could get that excited about… Anything! When watching a child get really crazy about a brand new toy or visiting a new place or whatever.
This excitement, this zest for life, is really the gift that No FAP gives back to you. It really is a quiet effective anecdote to anhedonia.
A great example of this is Latin dancing; salsa, bachata, whatever… This is something I’ve been doing for a few years now, I’m just good enough at it to be a little dangerous on the dance floor and have fun. It was really well worth investing a little time and money into learning
There’s a bunch of guys reading this right now are saying; really dude?! Latin dancing?
After about 2 weeks of No FAPing going latin dancing, where you are putting your hands all over a bunch of different women all night long, is very exciting. Latin dancing is one of those places where you can experience really vividly what you’ve heard called masculine-feminine polarity. Sometimes you’ll meet a girl who is really feminine and you can just be unapologetically masculine around her. She makes you stronger and better by being so feminine and you just have this great yin-yang energy between the two of you. This is unfortunately quiet rare in this day of age.
A lot of times you can actually experience it on the dance floor just a few minutes after meeting a girl. I experience it on the dance floor more than anywhere else actually.
Try Latin dancing in conjunction with your no fapping and you’ll feel like a kid again. You’ll be popping a massive boner like half the time that the women you are dancing with will feel, which is actually not something to be embarrassed about, these women have been dancing before. They know how boners work.
I take a bunch of herbal supplements like the Adaptogens and Horny Goat Weed, when I’m not fapping in addition to cold showers from time to time, so at 30 years old I often feel like I did at 19 or 20. A lot of times I actually feel like Benjamin Button.
After about 2–3 weeks of No Fapping your horniness will subside a little but your motivation will not. Although you’ll feel like you need to pee all the time, there will be some light persistent pressure down there and you kind of feel these waves of energy and horniness emanating from your genitals throughout the day.
Your standards of attraction will probably lower somewhat. You’ll imagine women (who you would be ashamed to introduce to your friends), that you see at the grocery store or whatever bent over on your bed. You’ll approach, text and invite girls for drinks who you usually wouldn’t even bother talking too. Occasionally, I’ll be walking down the street around day 15 of No FAP and I’ll even find certain trees a little arousing — just kidding! But seriously certain trees have, you know, a really nice aesthetics and shape.
The benefit of No FAPing is that you are really motivated to go out and socialize and the problem with No FAPing is also that you are really motivated to go out and socialize. Sometimes I find it actually distracting from my work, like last Wednesday I was out in a nightclub till 3:30AM. Which I think you’ll agree is a little ridiculous, it was cool back when I was 22 and wasted but at 30 and sober, it’s not quiet as cool anymore.
So you might be wondering is it possible to harness all this social-sexual energy for more productive purposes than going out, being social and trying to get laid?
In the 11th chapter of Think and Grow Rich, Napolean Hill describes…
“The transformation of mediocrity into genius via transmutation”
“Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.”
“The majority of men never learn that the urge of sex has other possibilities, which far transcend in importance, the mere physical expression.”
“There are other mind stimulants, some of which have been listed, but no one of them, nor all of them combined, can equal the driving power of sex.”
So when I read this as a young man, my interest was totally hooked, this idea of sex transmutation fascinated me. Those who have read Think and Grow Rich will remember that Napolean Hill takes this elusive teaching style where he shares these principals and examples of higher modes of thoughts, but he doesn’t really give specific or explicit instructions for becoming rich. The book requires that you really ponder it while you are reading it, and figure out some things for yourself. It’s like the best selling personal development title of all time and virtually every successful person lists it as an influence so this is certainly an effective teaching style. Nonetheless, when I first read this chapter I was a little confused because he doesn’t actually tell you how to transmute sex energy into genius or success. Well, I think there’s a lot of ways it’s done but No FAP is certainly an effective way of channeling sexual energy into ambition or creativity.
Someone reading this may be thinking to themselves…
I want to do this No FAPing thing to increase my performance in work or school but I don’t want to be distracted by this drive to go out and socialize or chase every skirt that passes.
Here’s the lifehack for this; for a period you need to de-sexualize your life.
- Stop watching TV or movies where you will see sexy people wearing not very much clothing.
- Block Facebook or other websites where people are so fond of posting skanky photos of themselves.
- Avoid interacting with people you find attractive. I’ll even avoid cafes where a sexy barista works.
Over time, you’ll kind of start to dissociate the motivation with that really pressing desire to get laid.
Basically you just wake up, work +12 hours, read, meditate and go to bed. I don’t recommend doing this in the long term because it may make you kind of anhedonic but in the short term, if you really need to kick ass for like a month to…
- Ace your exams in university
- Write a book
- Launch a product
- Train for an athletic competition
- Or to complete a special project at work
- It’s a pretty effective life hack
So some guys are reading this and saying, well this is fascinating but I have a partner who I’m having sex with a couple of times a week. No FAP is not just something that people on the Internet invented, it’s part of a much older, holistic tradition of Tantric Semen Retention, which is something that guys in relationships who are having regular sex can use for the same benefits as No FAP. I’ve bought the books on it, am “researching” it now and I will publish a protocol on it later this year.
In the Taoist traditions that seem to be the originators of No FAP, you’ll find different formulas for determining how frequently you should be orgasming. Some of them are kind of nutty
like if it’s the winter season and you are the spring season with your partner, like in a new relationship your frequency or orgasm should be X.
However, the two formulas that makes the most sense to me are that…
- Your age minus 7 divided by 4 is the minimum days to have between ejaculations to maintain health. So I’m 30 years old, so I shouldn’t orgasm more than once every 5–6 days. You can pretty easily figure out what your number is.
- The other recommendation that I think makes even more sense though is that to maximize happiness and productivity, once every 30 days.
If you haven’t done a period of intermittent No FAP before start with abstaining for just a week and see how it effects you. If you’ve tried this before and didn’t make much progress, try it again in concert with the other discipline lifehacks we discussed in the Protocol and I bet you’ll do better. If you’ve made it a week, try for two or three weeks.
Depending upon your age and a bunch of other factors, your testosterone may max out around day 14 or day 30. Personally, I rarely No FAP for more than a month. If I do it for more than a month I start to feel kind of anhedonic. I find it to be the most beneficial between Day 4 — Day 21, but every guy is different.
Coach.me is the best (free) App I’ve found for keeping track of how many days running I’ve been No Fapping. You really do need to quantify your No Faping, otherwise I can almost promise you won’t be successful with it.
One of the really cool side effects of No Faping that I haven’t heard anyone else talk about, is dream sex. When I’m doing a No Faping period, I have the most vivid lucid dreams about sex; threesomes, exotic locations, weird positions, celebrities, you name it. I’m a pretty hardcore lucid dreamer. While I’m No Faping I’m quiet good at constructing fairly pornographic lucid dreams. Just like you can experience being wet, being cold, pain or stroking someone’s skin in a dream. You can also experience orgasms in dreams, which are somewhat dulled from the sensations of real life orgasms but still pretty fun. Sometimes they do result in nocturnal emissions, sometimes not. Check out my article on lucid dreaming.
If you are a moderate masturbator who is doing it like a couple times a week, you’ll find that No Fapping increases your motivation and energy by like 20%-25%. However, if you’ve got a real porn addiction, where it’s like an everyday thing or a couple of times a day, No Fapping may really change your life, but it’s also going to be quiet difficult. You’re going to need all the lifehacks and Biohacks for discipline mentioned in protocol. If you’re serious about this give a listen to this Art of Charm podcast, they interview a No Faping expert who actually has some interesting things to say.
I don’t take a moralizing approach to this at all. I don’t see anything morally wrong with watching porn or masturbation.
I’m a true hedonist who chooses the greater pleasure over the lesser pleasure and watching porn is a lesser pleasure compared to having a richer life because I’m motivated to go for everything that I really want thanks to the No Fapping.
I’m an intellectual dissident
Sooner or later I’ll be censored and kicked off Medium for wrongthink. If you enjoy my writing, analysis and rapier wit follow me on Minds.com — a vibrant free speech social network for smart people.
Originally published at www.limitlessmindset.com.