The Inevitable Uncondoming

Chapter one of my new book “Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender

Jonathan Roseland
34 min readJun 30, 2020

It is rough out there for a single guy trying to meet a not-awful attractive girl, I know what you’re going through.

You are either…

Sick and tired of wasting your time trying to meet girls online or in the real world who are astoundingly flakey and hard to actually get out on a date. You seem damned to flounder in the friendzone where nobody wants to touch your dick.
Actively dating, but the girls are so monotonously predictable in their shallowness, smartphone addiction, and their general lack of putting in an effort towards having some semblance of a new relationship.
Disappointed by the shoddy quality of the options you have. The girls you could date are just not attractive or feminine enough to get you really excited.

Whatever the case is for you, you’re growing cynical about women. The reward is just so minuscule for the effort you put in dating or trying to date women.

And since you’re reading this you’re probably “red pilled” on women; you get that women are dangerous because of…

  • Their amazing capacity to drain our bank account balances and lighten our wallets.
  • All the crazy, demented, narcissistic women out there.
  • Unplanned pregnancies, and nasty STDs.
  • The life-ruining threat of a false accusation that looms over heterosexual men in the hysterical #MeToo era.
  • Their propensity to cheat and lie.
  • Divorce and the tyrannical, man-hating family court system.
  • The minefield of dating and romance scams which must be avoided.

The red pilled man has heard enough ridiculous, enraging stories of the “fairer sex’s” inglorious and skanky antics, that he knows that sleeping with the wrong girl is metaphorically (and perhaps literally, considering all the relentless venereal disease out there) akin to sticking your dick in a blender.

This book is unapologetically a right-wing, traditionalist take but I realize that might not be exactly how you align ideologically. You might be more liberal, progressive, or libertarian in your views and you may be thinking…

It’s not the 1950’s anymore. How is an “old fashioned” right-wing, traditionalist take on dating and courtship going to help me in the current year?

…as you’re about to put this down or hit the back button on your web browser, but, I’ll remind you of what Aristotle said:

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

I’m not trying to shove any advice down your throat. You’re already well aware of the mainstream liberal take on dating, sex, and relationships; you get it from television, you get it from numerous popular gurus, you get it streamed via Netflix, you get it from New York Times bestselling relationship books, you get it from your college professors, you get it from TED Talks, and you can even get it next to the gum in the magazines sold at the grocery store. Shouldn’t you at least entertain the counter-points to what’s so mainstream?
Secondly, I’m a very happily married man that (almost certainly) has a better sex life than you. I won a great woman’s heart and undying commitment, she respects me immensely, and we have hot sex all the time. This is a result of integrating a traditionalist mindset which upholds truth, beauty, and the sanctity of family with the cutting edge of accelerated personal growth tools and strategies. It’s fine to disagree on politics or ideology, but you can’t argue with the result.

Red Pilled in Jail

About 13 years ago I was arrested and spent three days in jail for an unpaid speeding ticket. Here’s the good thing about jail, it can be very educational. In the Arapahoe County Jail south of Denver, I spent hours talking with the other prisoners. Hearing their stories about how they ended up there. The commonality among many of them was that their troubles started with or were exacerbated by women. Having sex with, partying with, living with, and making babies with the wrong women resulted in a cascade of consequences that ended up with them locked up, sleeping on a hard bed in a cell, and sitting across from me eating yet another jailhouse meal of barely identifiable slop. It was a sobering lesson that was probably well worth going to jail for three days to learn. Although frankly, I didn’t heed the warnings unwittingly issued to me by my fellow inmates as much as I should have — I would go on to stick my dick in several “blenders” but fortunately, the blend button was never really pushed. Dumb luck along with a modicum of common sense and self-control kept me from really getting scorched (metaphorically speaking — I did, in fact, catch on fire once during a date and was badly scorched — that story is in the next chapter) in the ensuing decade that I danced with fire.

Given the danger involved with women and the seeming impossibility of meeting a decent girl, a lot of men are going MGTOW; retreating into the digital opium den, pixel pleasure world of endless internet porn and video games. And many decent, ambitious men, given the state of the sexual marketplace chose to just focus on their careers, they imagine that in a just a few years when they’re making good money and can afford to status signal a little with a fancy apartment, shiny car, or really fly clothes then they will take the dating thing seriously, their dream girl will appear, swoon at the sight of all their cool shit, and they will live happily ever after. In the current year, many men are, in quiet desperation, doing something almost totally unprecedented in the history of life on this planet, they are shrinking back from their genetic duty to reproduce — nothing else with DNA does that!

But, you wouldn’t be reading this if you had already given up hope on women and for that I applaud you. The challenges your male ancestors faced were things like being sent off to fight in a brutal war, having to survive frigid winters in the unforgiving wilderness, or breaking their backs plowing a field to put just a little food on the table for their families. Contrasted against the harsh history your genes have been through, the challenging task of meeting, romancing, and seducing a virtuous woman is really not that bad.

Storytime — A malicious madre in Medellín

I was in my coworking space in Medellín, Colombia (where I lived for 3 years) when my buddy Phil, an English guy also living there texted me…

“Mate, you would not believe what I’m dealing with! Buy you a beer tonight?”

I agreed and a few hours later Phil swung by my coworking space and we cracked open some beers at a nearby patio. Phil had stuck his dick in a blender and was really starting to regret it. Sometimes we all need a friend to listen to our woes, so that’s what I did. Phil was another expat like me, living in Colombia and enjoying las mujeres. Phil was tall, charming, spoke fluent Spanish, was a great salsa dancer, and had that regal northern European look that the Colombianas find so exotically attractive. He had gotten a Colombian woman pregnant, she had recently given birth to a daughter, they had broken up, and now she was doing everything in her power to make his life hell. As Phil finished his third drink he told me how this utterly spiteful woman had apparently stolen his passport and told him that she had sold it to some local criminals, who he would have to buy it back from. But what made Phil really angry was that she was an awful, egregiously irresponsible mother to their daughter, apparently, she would do things like go out partying with her friends and just leave the very young baby alone at home. As Phil bemoaned his predicament with this awful woman, I stopped him and asked:

“Man, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to stick your dick in crazy?”

He sighed and responded, “I suppose I should have known better when she said we didn’t need to use condoms after the second time we had slept together…” I would try to impart a bit more common sense to my friend for the dire straits that he now found himself in but mostly he just wanted someone to listen while he was drowning his sorrows.

You might be thinking…

I’m not a dumbass, I wouldn’t “stick my dick in a blender” like your friend Phil because I use protection. I wear condoms so I don’t get a crazy girl pregnant or catch some nasty bug.

But, this is shallow or perhaps naive thinking. In a sweaty moment of passion, our primal instincts drag us against our best intentions towards reproduction. In case you haven’t experienced it, here’s how the inevitable uncondoming process goes…

You sleep with a girl for the first time and it’s very exciting despite the awkward fumbling with the condom before penetration, and she shows a lot of interest in your unsheathed cock, taking it enthusiastically in her mouth or rubbing it on her boobs. The second or third time you sleep together, you engage in some extremely arousing unprotected genital rubbing, she rubs your cock on the outside of her moist pussy just to tease you before the condom goes on. The first night I spent with my 21-year-old Colombian ex-girlfriend she just about made me go crazy; rubbing her wet, shaved, tight little pussy on cock — Is she going to fuck me raw? I thought to myself as she purred in that sexy way that Latinas do in bed but then she responsibly slipped the condom on me. Whether it’s the second or the seventh time you have sex, inevitably your uncondomed cock is going to slip into her and the crazy thing is that it’s usually her that sticks it in. If there’s one thing that should confirm to you that many women are mental, it’s that a lot of them will disregard a perfectly good condom just an arm’s reach away and play Russian roulette with a pregnancy or STD, having unsafe sex with a guy on the first or second date! Over a decade ago I was getting it on with this 19-year-old with great tits that I had met at an electronic dance club in the upstairs bedroom at a houseparty. The clothes come off and we start banging, then she pulls the condom off that I had put on to give me a bareback blowjob, and then she straddles me and just sticks my dick back inside her unprotected. As my body quivered with pleasure while she rode me cowgirl, I thought to myself, Holy shit, this is unsafe sex! We should put the condom back on, but it feels SO good… Funnily enough, we were then interrupted by cops who had come to break up the party that knocked on the bedroom door.

While you may have the best of intentions to have very safe sex with new partners until you know that they are disease-free, using contraception, and “wifey material” (of good enough character that you might like to have a family with them in the future), women can be amazingly cavalier about the guys that they let raw dawg them, they may disregard the condom telling you…

“Just don’t come inside me. OK?”

And all those good intentions to have safe sex will go right out the window, as that wet pussy beckons your throbbing cock you’ll in a split second justify a really bad decision; She’s OK with having unsafe sex so that must mean that she’s CERTAIN that she can’t get pregnant. And she must REALLY like me because there’s no way that she would do this with EVERY guy she sleeps with. So it’s fine, I’ll just pull out before I come — famous last words!
And once you’ve had unsafe sex, you two have crossed a rubicon together in the bedroom, in a future moment of sobriety one of you may insist upon using condoms but condoms will become such a cumbersome nuisance and you’ll just start raw dawging all the time.

And that’s how unplanned pregnancies happen, along with potentially one day her crying to you on the telephone about deciding to get an abortion, or you having to get genital warts painfully burned off your cock by acid or a laser! The fact that so many unplanned pregnancies happen despite the simplicity and affordability of contraception speaks to our reproductive imperative that doesn’t seem to give a damn about our intention to have safe sex like a responsible adult.
Unless you and her have really Herculean self control this is the way it’s going to go, you’re probably going to have unsafe sex before you really get to know her and you may be sticking your dick in a blender, especially if she’s coaxing your uncondomed cock past her jade gates early in the relationship. There’s a better way of doing this, gentlemen…

Oscar Wilde wrote…

“I can resist all things except temptation.”

And that’s the truth! The fool tries to resist temptation, while the wise man chooses to avoid it. The solution to this inevitable uncondoming is simple, keep your dick away from women who you would NOT like to make a baby with, give half your money to, and hang out with for the next 18 years. Apply the Hell yes! or No reasoning to this — unless you have evidence that she would make a good wife or serious girlfriend, don’t sleep with her. Unless you would like her to have access to your bank account for the next decade or two and you are OK with reaping the consequences of her decisions for a long time, don’t invite her to your bedroom, keep your damn pants on around her, and don’t waste your time going on more than a few dates with her. I just saved you, quite possibly, hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of living through hell, you’re welcome!

Storytime — A Czech agent goes AWOL

Derrick, a childhood friend of mine had been talking online for some time to this sexy girl from the Czech Republic. We all thought he was wasting his time with a “Catfish” until she actually flew all the way to Denver, Colorado to meet him and they promptly moved in together. We were all impressed that he had successfully imported a cute, young girlfriend. But, they had a lot of issues right from the start. Derrick is a black dude with a lot of swagger and confidence. He’s a hardworking, ambitious, charming guy who drives a BMW and listens to classical music but I can just imagine the cultural gulf between his very colorful family and a small-town girl from a backwater European country who didn’t speak that much English. She got pregnant and they decided to marry but they couldn’t make it work. She eventually decided to abandon her beautiful baby son and return to Europe. We all respected Derrick for manning up and taking full responsibility for raising his son. His mother’s contribution, I assume, wasn’t much more than doing occasional Skype calls.
I don’t know all the details and I’m sure I’m not doing justice to what was a very complicated and dysfunctional relationship but we all found it pretty amazing that she just gave up on being a mom and went back to her country. It should also be educational to “western men” (living in the US, UK, Canada, etc) that think the solution to meeting a nice, marriageable girl uncorrupted by feminism and all the other evils of neoliberal modernity is to simply import a girl from a poorer country. There’s always that chance that she might get homesick when she discovers that life in America (or wherever you are) isn’t as fabulous as Hollywood movies led her to believe, decides to go home, and then there’s nothing (legally) that you can do to stop her.

Storytime — Compelled kitty sacrifice

This final story comes from a guy I don’t know, it’s just something terrifying I read online. There’s this lonely, single dude in Boston who gets a bit desperate for female attention during the COVID-19 lockdowns, he’s a bit overweight and not doing well on Tinder so he turns to the R4R subreddit and surprisingly he connects with a cute and very witty 18-year-old Asian girl from Portland. He finds her to be very intellectual and politically like-minded (I’m assuming she was liberal-leaning) and he suspects that he’s being catfished, a concern that she assuages by sending him a verification photo of her holding her username written out. He can’t believe his good luck and an online romance ensues, they spend a lot of time writing back and forth and Skyping. After three weeks, she asks him where their relationship is going, she suggests that they meet, he responds assuring her that…

money was no object, that she was legit the most beautiful, charming young woman I’d ever met in my entire life.”

She responded with a little bit of skepticism, guys would tell her that sort of thing all the time just to try to sleep with her, he writes

She asked me how far I’d be willing to go to prove myself to her. I told her as far as she needed me to go. At that she just laughed, telling me how she doubted it. I was indignant; I’d do anything, everything she asked just to make her believe it.

He affirms that he’s willing to do anything, to prove that he really likes her, so then she tells him “Get a knife.”

I’m ashamed to say that there was barely any hesitation, I just — trusted her. I trusted that she knew what was best for me, she already seemed to be able to read me like a book. She asked if I had an envelope handy, I told her yes, that I had a pack of about a hundred, crisp white envelopes. She told me to open one up, I obeyed. She told me to place the blade of the knife onto my palm, I obeyed. And when she finally gave me the order, I pulled the blade across my flesh and let fresh blood flow into the open envelope. It didn’t even hurt. It’s the strangest thing, but for the first few minutes, there was no pain at all. Just this dull, hot feeling as I watched the blood flow from the open wound, staining the perfect white of the paper a deep crimson. I held everything up the webcam, showing her exactly how far I was willing to go for her. And oh my God, the look on her face, the way her pretty, almond eyes seemed to light up, it just filled me with joy.

Then he mails her the envelope as requested and a few days later…

I remember being so excited at the prospect of her opening that envelope, of seeing her satisfaction at knowing what I’d done for her. And when she saw, when she showed me her opening that thing over webcam, it was every bit as disgustingly glorious as I imagined. Her eyes lit up in that same adorable way, and she smiled in a way I’d never quite seen before, such a wide, white smile. She giggled as she held it up, bringing a hand to her mouth, and in one fluid motion, she brought the blood stained envelope to her lips, and kissed it. Only, she didn’t just kiss it. I watched transfixed as she began to lick at the dried bloodstains, spitting on them and lathering them with her tongue until the dried mess hydrated and formed a sticky, crimson residue.

Unsurprisingly, then things escalated. A few days later they get into a conversation about cats, she tells him that she loves “kitties” and he agrees to get a cat. Then she asks him if he likes cats more or her, of course, he professes his undying love for her. She told him he’ll have to prove it by murdering a cat.

She told me I could get a really old Cat from a Rescue Center, one that was near the end of it’s life anyway, one that might well be suffering from joint pain or breathing trouble. She told me to look at it like an act of mercy, one that would prove I was the right man for her, one that could make difficult decisions and own them too. And I’m ashamed to admit, I agreed to every word.

So this pathetic man with an injured hand calls an animal center and inquires about adopting a cat, he specifies that he wants to adopt an old cat. Finally, the insanity of the situation hits him when the animal care worker tells him what a rare, good-hearted person he is to adopt an unwanted old cat.

I think that’s what did it, the sobering moment that made me realize how goddamn stupid I’d been those past few weeks. How lust and desire and loneliness had driven me to the point where I was willingly relinquishing my humanity. I had never hurt so much as a fly in my entire life, and there I was, planning the murder of an innocent, essentially defenceless animal. I knew I had to do something.

He decides not to murder the cat.

I thought about writing her a long goodbye message, explaining how I’d come to that decision, hoping it wouldn’t hurt her feelings too much. But then, it occurred to me that she didn’t really have feelings, not like you or I might do. She had a fixation on what she could do, and it all made sense in that context, she got off on power, on manipulation, and any way she could achieve that was justified.

And he makes a clean break from her online and moves on with his life.

This final story I found so unsettling that I thought about it a bit and I suspect that the deranged Asian girl was not actually interested romantically in this simpy, wimpy guy and really aroused by blood and mutilation. He had admitted to her that he had money that he was willing to spend on her before she told him to cut himself. I suspect that she was running a black mail scam, she would hook guys online, ask them to cut themselves to see just how far they would go, and then talk them into killing a cat on camera for her, which she would ask to watch live, she would be secretly recording the video, and then she would use it to black mail the guy out of a lot of money. People have so much righteous indignation about animal abuse that if a video came out of you killing a cat, you would be one of the most hated people on the internet…
No girl that Googled you would ever want to date you.
You would lose a lot, if not all, of your friends.
It would probably really hurt your career, who would want to hire someone that did that?
You would have to pay up — $10,000, $50,000, $100,000 — however much she wanted, probably via an untraceable cryptocurrency transfer, and then she might release the video anyway! Scary, right? Similar online romance scams are waiting for you out there on the internet.

Lest you despair about the prospect of finding a nice girl, let me tell you a bit of my story…

Listen to Podcast: The TRUTH about Dating and Marrying Exotic Foreign Women — Is it for you?

I got married to a great Bulgarian woman, it was the best decision I ever made, and it has made me happier than anything else. I’ll add that happiness is not my compass in life, at least not anymore, I spent about a decade pursuing hedonism; throwing crazy parties at nightclubs, world travel, trying drugs, driving fast cars, living in fancy condos (both of which had indoor waterfalls) surfing in Costa Rica, eating a lot of fine food at fancy restaurants, and drinking top-shelf booze — my go-to drink used to be red-bull and patron tequila (this is what I was drinking when I literally caught on fire). Along with all that degenerate stuff and decadent experiences, I’ve also done a lot of “finding yourself” stuff; all sorts of meditation, an ayahuasca ceremony, tantric sex, etc, and believe me when I say that being married makes me happier.

Here’s when I knew that I had a marriage-material woman by my side. We had dated for about 7-months, we had crossed that unsafe sex rubicon so I was starting to think about…

What if I get this girl pregnant?
If she got pregnant should we get married?
If we got married, would I want to live in this country?

She had been a great girlfriend thus far but, I needed to test her, to see if she was really mother-of-my-children type material and I knew just how to do that. Like many young Europeans, she smoked cigarettes, which I disliked — it’s the ultimate bad habit in my book, because it’s awful for your health long-term, it makes you look and smell bad, and it’s not even that much fun compared to other addictive things! So one night we had a talk about her smoking, I explained very diplomatically that I wanted her to quit, because health had by that time become one of my most important values, I couldn’t see myself in a serious long-term relationship with a smoker. Furthermore, my little brother had battled with cancer, dragging my family for years through the hell of Iatrogenic mainstream slash, burn, poison cancer treatment and I didn’t want to take the chance that she might have to go through something similar. I didn’t exactly make an ultimatum — quit smoking or we’re breaking up — I just told her that I really wanted her to quit because it was better for her and that I would support her in quitting what can be a very hard-to-kick addiction.
And you know what? She did it! If you’ve ever known a smoker, you know that they invent an unending string of delusional bullshit justifications for what’s a really stupid habit (that’s not even THAT fun) which may very well kill them and also poison those around them with second-hand smoke. You also know that they tend to relapse when they quit, they go a week or two and then they get stressed or have a few drinks and they are back to smoking. But not her, she cut down to just a few cigarettes a week and then stopped completely.

I kind of see smoking as a proxy for an IQ test; are you going to seriously jeopardize your long term health in exchange for a little bit of short term pleasure? Are you cognitively capable of future-casting your decisions? Do you have the empathy to see how your selfish decisions might affect people around you?

But I also understand that smoking is culturally acceptable and even kind of encouraged here in this part of the world and that probably nobody had ever given her a good reason to quit before and imposed standards.
The fact that she did quit confirmed that she was intelligent enough to give up an addictive pleasure for health, not selfishly hedonistic, not deaf to reason, and possessing more self-control and discipline than the average smoker who relapses over and over again. This really made her stand out in my eyes from all the women I’d known that were hellbent on persisting in their foolish, self-destructive behavior, who seemed wholly incapable of thinking soberly about the future. But, perhaps more importantly than all that, it demonstrated that she would actually make sacrifices to yield to my values.
It meant that instead of hoping that the perfect woman would come along, I could sculpt her into what I wanted.

Watch: How to Lose Your Virginity [3] Is Your Religion Holding Your Back from Finding Love?

If you spend any time around the red pill sphere of the internet you’ll find all these foolish single men describing their fantastical dream girl…

  • She must be young, under 25 years old.
  • She can’t be a single mother.
  • She should be beautiful and feminine.
  • She shall maintain her hair at a certain length, wear dresses, and be mindful of her appearance.
  • She should be playful and pleasant.
  • But she should also be smart, able to hold a conversation and not into dumb shallow stuff.
  • And she should be prepared to work, she can’t be a lazy woman.
  • She definitely can’t be a feminist or other shade of liberal progressive!
  • She must be a traditionally-minded girl, who wants to be a mother, not one of these “I want to focus on my career” types.
  • She should be able to cook and have some domestic skills.
  • She should be sexually inexperienced, ideally a virgin BUT also not awful at giving blowjobs.
  • She must not be a committed pet mom to a dog or cat.
  • She must not have tattoos.
  • She doesn’t need to be too political, but she should be right-leaning and not hate President Donald Trump.
  • She mustn’t be into any silly liberal political movements; social justice, tree-hugging environmentalism, legalizing marijuana, animal rights, giving all the poor little black babies free ipads, etc — none of that.
  • She doesn’t have to be an economist but she should be against socialism and have a right-leaning libertarian capitalist worldview.
  • She can’t have majored in college in the social sciences, arts, post-modern pet psychology, or some other stupid, useless degree.
  • She must not be into any weird pseudo-spiritual “find yourself” shit.
  • She’ll probably be at least a little religious, but NOT too religious because I don’t want to wait until the wedding night to get laid!
  • And (I almost forgot) she can’t have too much financial debt.

Newsflash red pill bros:

This girl DOES NOT EXIST, or is so rare that you have very little hope of ever finding her. And even if you did find her, are you really man enough to woo her? Do you deserve a girl like this? What about her father, who would most certainly have extremely high standards about who he let date his daughter? Would he be impressed with you?
On one of the many “red pill” podcasts, these gurus proclaim that they would never settle for anything less than this unicorn right-wing dream girl, and what they have in common is that they are almost all single. They haven’t managed to find her and win her heart.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to settle for a washed-up 36-year-old spinster, who is super proud of her illustrious career as an HR manager in a corporation, and lives with a colony of cats. But you have to drop a little bit of naivety about the heavens delivering unto you the marriageable girl you deserve, you don’t find your dream girl, you make her.

The funny thing is, my wife meets almost every criteria of the mythological red pilled dream girl now, but she didn’t when I met her. She changed for me, I also changed for her, but she changed more and for the better certainly. In this book, we’ll re-examine this list of criteria and discuss what you should demand and what’s negotiable. We’ll also discuss how to effectively change a woman in a way that’s not going to make her hate you. In a healthy relationship with a woman, you’re not a dictator with absolute power, but it also shouldn’t be a democracy where everybody has an equal say in everything.

Having “the talk”

I’ll share another defining moment early in our relationship. Having “the talk” about being boyfriend and girlfriend is more challenging than ever in modern courtship. Men and women in our culture are commitment-phobes, they are regularly hanging out and sleeping with someone but they delay and delay in making it official. We’re paralyzed by the illusion of choice, we imagine that someone better might come along, we don’t want to buy the car we’ve test driven and like because there’s just so many other cars on the lot. I would contend that the modern woman is the worst offender in the commitment-phobia department. She’s dating a decent guy but she imagines that a handsome, wealthy Christian Grey type character is going to come parachuting down wearing an Armani suit out of the sky into her life one day and she wouldn’t want to be Joe-the-lowly-accountant’s girlfriend if that happened. And the modern woman’s commitment phobia is not totally disconnected from reality, we live in an unprecedented time of deregulation of the geographic sexual marketplace. A hot girl or a girl that can make herself look hot in photos is being deluged with attention online, guys are offering to buy her trips and jewelry all the time, most of them don’t actually have the means to but some do. I’ve known pretty Ukrainian and Colombian girls that would receive these unbelievable offers to go on luxurious vacations from random wealthy men from Dubai or China, and sometimes the offers turned out to be legit.
Thus many men who are casually dating a girl they really like feel that they shouldn’t be the one that proposes commitment, they worry that it communicates neediness and that the girl might reject it. Dating can kind of be like a poker game, and men worry that they might lose if they show their hand. We all know that there’s an undeniable power held in a relationship by the person who is least interested in the relationship, who can take it or leave it. In dating women are revolted by guys who are very interested early on, and attracted by guys who seem a bit cavalier about the relationship. In that past, things were a lot simpler when sex was the clear line of demarcation between casual dating and a real relationship.

So that was the dilemma I faced after we were dating for a few months, at the time I didn’t quite understand Bulgarian culture enough to know that she had already assumed that I was her committed boyfriend because we were sleeping together regularly — which is the way it should be really. I didn’t want to ask her to be my girlfriend, I didn’t want to be the one requesting exclusivity. I was still kind of interested in playing the field, even though that night I was a little bothered that she had gone out clubbing with her girlfriends the previous weekend. So I proposed a double standard that I had to other girls I’d dated casually, I told her something like…

Look, I’m going to sleep with other girls. But this is not a two-way street, you’re not going to sleep with other guys. I will provide for your sexual needs. I’m not going to tell you about the other girls I’m fucking as that will hurt you and make you jealous but I am going to do it. These other girls are just sex to me. I don’t care about them like I care about you. I won’t be taking long walks on the beach with these girls. These girls won’t be sleeping in my bed and I won’t be kissing them in the mornings. They will be fucking and then going home in a taxi. And I’ll use protection when I sleep with them so I don’t bring you any nasty surprises. If you don’t like that you can leave me.

And she rejected my double standard, responding “I don’t want to be in an open relationship!” Which is, of course, how any decent, self-respecting woman should respond to such an indecent proposal. Proposing this double standard would turn out to be relationship aikido because she responded that she wanted to be my girlfriend and put me in the position of being the one choosing if that’s what I wanted, and it allowed me to retain a bit of that free-spirited, bad boy allure that’s so irresistible. It probably offended her a bit, but women will almost always reward this sort of risk-taking. What they reject and scorn is neediness. In retrospect, I didn’t need to have this talk with her that way, she wanted a real relationship not some sort of modern doomed-to-fail polyamorous arrangement, and I would have known that if I understood the culture there just a little better. After a decade of dating American and then Colombian women who demand an emotional-rollercoaster of drama and jealousy from their amante, I had learned to signal unattainability.

There’s a better way to “have the talk” and make her your girlfriend. Simply refer to her as your girlfriend without asking her permission. Get one of your friends to call you while the two of you are hanging out and just cavalierly mention “I’m hanging out with my girlfriend tonight” — if she really doesn’t want to be your girlfriend, she’ll object. As with almost everything, it is better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

What to expect from this book…

Order Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender — How to meet a nice girl instead — from a tantric husband with a better sex life than you!

The solution to NOT sticking your dick in a blender is to have high standards. This is counter-intuitive to the mainstream advice that you should “not judge” people. It’s also contrary to the pickup-artist/seduction community advice that you should sleep with ANY girl attractive enough to give you an erection who will go to bed with you to build up abundance with women — I’ll explain why this is such a bad idea, despite being widely marketed.

The challenge with having high standards is that you need to attract a higher quality of woman, something that you may have failed to do thus far. We’re going to delve deeply into the strategies and lifehacks for doing so. Most men’s only standard is if a woman is willing to sleep with them, they are totally willing to go dumpster diving if it gets them laid, and they fail to become the object of desire of higher quality women. To get onto the Radar of the kind of women you want in your life you’re going to need to implement and stack multiple accelerated personal growth strategies.

Where to meet a nice girl. Perhaps you’re frustrated by the apparent stark lack of opportunity in your social circle or geographic locality. I’ll share some hunting grounds that you probably haven’t thought about that you’ll find a lot more fruitful.

Should you date foreign women? In my 8 years of living abroad in places like Kiev, Ukraine, and Medellin, Colombia I talked with many single, handsome, intelligent, somewhat successful, younger men from America, Canada, the UK, Germany, and Sweden, among other “1st world” countries — what did they have in common? They were fleeing feminism and seeking beauty and femininity. Is a poorer, developing “3rd world” country the place to go to find a nice, marriage-minded girl? Well, that sure worked out well for me! I’ll explain what I did right and the numerous pitfalls to this approach — many men who travel to Colombia, Thailand, or Ukraine fail miserably in finding love, wasting thousands of dollars in the endeavor.

Storytelling. I’m an avid reader of non-fiction personal growth books and many of them end up being pretty dry reading because of a lack of good storytelling to illustrate the points being made. This makes me a little suspicious that the author lacks a breadth of life experience. Expect lots of storytelling in these pages, which will help to immortalize the ideas and mindset that I want to impart to you. I’ll include some of the risqué episodes of my past life of promiscuity. I debated including these as I don’t want to encourage you to be promiscuous — I have much hotter sex now as a married guy than I ever did as a pick up artist — but ultimately decided to include them as they are illustrative and often entertaining.

The pitfalls and promise of online dating. Should you do it? How to avoid wasting tremendous amounts of time clicking, swiping, messaging, and chatting with girls who won’t give a damn about you.

You’ll notice that there’s a lot of footnotes. That’s because this book is not “the world according to Jonathan” — I need to back up my assertions and views with evidence. As a writer I’m a big hyperlinker, I want to provide a lot of rabbit holes for you to explore and it would break up the flow of this book for me to include a lot of links in the middle of the chapters.

The “red pills” without the hopelessness. I’m not going to pull any punches to be politically correct and inoffensive to women because they don’t handsomely compensate me for my advice, men do (in almost every business I’ve been involved with). This book is self-published so I don’t have some editor in New York telling me what I can’t say. But, along with some of the tough truths about women, I’m also going to break down why there’s a lot of reason to be optimistic about finding love and getting married one day. I’m not one of these men that has idiotically spent half his life with awful women and is now cynical and bitter. I’ve mostly had good women in my life and it’s been a real pleasure.

Dating for the logistically and economically challenged. Perhaps you’re thinking…

Meeting a nice girl would be no problem if I had a (decent) car, my own place in a not awful location, and the money to take girls out. But I’m lacking one or all of those things.

We’ll delve into some lifehacks for getting around these apparent obstacles.

How to date in the post-COVID-19 era. The world has changed, the way people socialize and meet is going to change, thanks to the global pandemic/plandemic. It may become more challenging to get girls out on a date but in some unexpected ways, it will make dating easier for the right kinds of guys.

Deep dive on Biohacking confidence. You may struggle with social anxiety, you have every desire to get out there and meet girls but frustratingly you just freeze up when it comes to making a move. I’ll break down a Biohacking protocol, a shortcut, to unlocking the confidence and expressiveness that has long eluded you.

Overcoming a physical imperfection. If you are like me, every time you catch your reflection in a mirror, you notice what everybody else notices, your conspicuous physical imperfection. This will hold you back from finding love, but only if you let it.

This book will be out of date in 10 years. Ask your dad for advice about how to meet a nice girl and you’ll get, most likely, laughable platitudes and useless tips that worked in the 1980s viewed through the lens of decades of compromises that he made to live in a state of domestic tranquility with women. Our culture moves fast, what I did to meet, seduce, and marry a nice girl in 2018 will work now but may not in the year 2030. I’ll write a marriage book in the future, if I’m qualified to do so.

How to lose your virginity. Perhaps you’re a frustrated virgin or “Incel” disappointed with all the crappy advice found online about how to lose your virginity. I break down 33 steps to meaningfully lose your virginity.

Tantric techniques to up your sex game. There’s a set of physical techniques, refined over millennia, that give you a lot more control over what your dick does when you give it what it wants. Tantric practice is not pseudo-spiritual, degenerate nonsense — it’s a heightened mastery of your body for powerful sex that imbues tranquility and deepens the love between you and your woman. If you want your woman to be genuinely excited about serving you day in and day out, cultivate yourself as a tantric male.

The experience of a happily married man that has a better sex life than you! Pickup artists and men’s dating gurus are really a dime a dozen — the internet is this tremendous factory for producing unqualified gurus with crappy advice! It is the temple of The Cult of the Amateur. And I urge you to be suspicious of gurus who never get into serious relationships or get married. Take with a grain of salt the advice that comes from men well into their 30’s or 40’s who spend half their time trying to have casual sex with different girls every weekend. This is justifiable in your early to mid 20’s but you have to question the maturity and wisdom of older men still doing this. But their advice and teachings are not wholly fraudulent and useless. If you follow the teachings of, for example, Real Social Dynamics or the Art of Charm, you will get laid more if that’s what you struggle with, although a lot of these pickup artist training companies have removed a lot of their best material from the internet because of growing censorship of anything politically incorrect or edgy.
You wouldn’t go to a bicycle mechanic to teach you how to performance tune a Ferrari and you wouldn’t take a fat guy’s diet advice. If your goal is to not chase women perpetually but instead to eventually get married and have a family like a normal person, this book will help you.
Again, I won a woman’s heart and undying commitment, she respects me immensely, and we have great, hot sex all the time. How many of the Youtube pickup artist gurus selling online courses can claim this? We’ve been together for nearly 4 years and we are having better sex than ever before. We’ve managed to keep the flame alive. If that’s what you want, read this book with keen attention.

Pictures. To keep things interesting I include photos and imagery. Each chapter I’ll end with a photo of my wife’s cooking or something lovely she created in the kitchen, just in case you need any more motivation to win yourself the devotion of a talented woman.

Salmon and fresh beet salad. Married life is better than single dude life!


  • Women are dangerous. Inviting the wrong woman into your bed and life can cost you vast amounts of money, ruin your life, or even get you killed.
  • You MUST have higher standards than “She’s willing to sleep with me and she gives me an erection.”
  • Because of the inevitable uncondoming and its consequences, make it a policy to only sleep with women who are “wife material”.
  • It’s getting harder and harder to find a girl who is going to align with the virtuous traditional values. Instead seek a feminine woman with a modicum of intelligence, humility, and rationality who will naturally adopt these values from you.
  • Dating a foreign woman from a poorer country might be appealing to you but there’s a lot of ways that it can go wrong!
  • Learn from experienced people who have what you want.


Your homework

To really drive home the point of this book, tonight, go get your blender, UNPLUG IT, and stick your dick in it for just a moment. Look down at those menacing blades mere inches from your dick. Burn THAT image into your memory, then apologize profusely to your dick and promise that you’ll never again stick it somewhere dangerous!

Originally published on



Jonathan Roseland

Adventuring philosopher, Pompous pontificator, Writer, K-Selected Biohacker, Tantric husband, Raconteur & Smart Drug Dealer 🇺🇸