The Promiscuity Question…
Gents, you might think that sexual hedonism means promiscuity, sleeping with a lot of women — having a lot of casual sex. I’ll make the case that it really doesn’t…
My new book, Don’t Stick Your Dick in a Blender, details exhaustively the strategies, lifehacks, and biohacks for holistic optimization of sexual hedonism. If you want to maximize sexual hedonism and do it smartly, you want to think seriously about monogamy and even the other (dreaded!) M-word, marriage.
Monogamy, done right, means a lot more, better sex than promiscuity does. Monogamy is a big upgrade in both quantity and quality of sex from the promiscuous single life of Tinder dates and stumbling home from bars or clubs with strangers. When you’re monogamous you get to have a lot of sex (every day if you want!) And, you get to enjoy guilt-free unprotected sex, everybody who has had much sex agrees that unprotected sex is a whole lot better!
Promiscuity is extremely fashionable; Hollywood, celebrities, along with multitudes self-styled gurus and “sexperts” are constantly telling us how great promiscuity is — if it feels good, DO IT! But there is a lot that pop culture isn’t telling you about promiscuity…
- Often, the sex itself is awful. You go to bed with a new person and you have no idea what each other like in bed. They are bad at giving oral sex. They won’t give you a blowjob. They are too rough. They just lay there like a corpse. They say rude things that ruin the mood. They don’t actually look good naked. The condom robs you of the actual pleasure of lovemaking. The sex is over after 5 minutes. They don’t want to cuddle afterward, they want way too much cuddling. They get a weird guilt trip in the middle of sex. There’s erection or lubrication issues because of too much booze. About half the time, a one night stand is less fun than simple masturbation.
- There will be drama. Inevitably, when you invite a stranger into your bed, you invite all manner of drama, pettiness, headache, and heartache into your life. There will be jealousy. There will be gossiping. There will be stalking. There will be betrayal. There will be lies and false accusations. There will be covert contracts, unvoiced expectations, and ridiculous double standards. Their ex-lovers will send you threatening messages on social media. Your overnight guests will drunkenly cause drama with your roommates. They will get you to waste your money. They may even steal your money or your stuff while you’re in the bathroom post-sex.
- There will be pregnancy scares. Intentions and mindset matter in sex and relationships. If you go in with promiscuous intentions, not taking a relationship very seriously or evaluating their character, you will within a few dates cavalierly dispense with the condoms and begin raw dawging. It feels so great that you become so intoxicated by the oxytocin that you don’t soberly consider if you want to have an 18-year legally-mediated 3-way relationship with this person, a child, and the government (Yikes!) Then someone’s monthly period doesn’t come when it should and you’re racked with stress, guilt, and anxiety. You might need to pay for an abortion. You might become a single parent.
- The boozing. Promiscuity and alcohol are inextricably linked, very few women will sleep with someone new stone sober. If you’re going to have a promiscuous sex life you’re going to be doing a lot of drinking.
- It’s expensive. For men, promiscuity is not cheap; you’re going to be buying a lot of drinks and dropping coin in overpriced restaurants, bars, and clubs.
- You will get STDs and STIs. Sexually transmitted diseases are so common that it’s just an inevitability that you’ll pick up something in the course of your philandering. Even if you use condoms, if you’re sleeping around a lot, some nasty little bug will get through that pleasure-robbing rubber barrier. Or you could get genital warts on your groin which the condom doesn’t cover. Almost all sexually active girls insist on doing BBJs (bareback blow jobs — not using a condom or dental dam for oral sex) so even if you use a condom for intercourse, you still have a chance of picking up something nasty from that dirty mouth of hers. In addition to condoms, If you’re having casual sex take immune-support supplements and apply a natural antiviral, disinfectant solution (like oregano oil dissolved in coconut oil) on and around your genitals (this may sting a bit, but it will be less painful than getting warts burned off with a laser or acid) after a first-time encounter with someone new — you don’t know if they are clean.
Considering the high cost of promiscuity in time, money, health, stress, and peace of mind if you’re a true hedonist — who chooses the greater pleasure over the lesser pleasure — it’s clear that monogamy is the $60 steak dinner and promiscuity is the $2 candy bar.
Now, I know what you might be thinking…
I’ll just find a girlfriend who is OK with a double-standard, with one-way monogamy. I’ll tell her that she needs to be loyal to me, but that I can sleep with other women on the side. If she’s not OK with that, I’ll find another girlfriend who is.
I remember a (very mediocre, in retrospect) woman I dated who actually suggested this, telling me…
“Jonathan, I like you and I’m really not interested in sleeping with guys. I only sleep with one guy at a time. But, I know you want to get out there and have fun. We don’t need to use condoms because I’m on birth control, just use condoms with the other girls so you don’t bring me any surprises…”
Some women that you’ll date will seem surprisingly willing to let you have your cake and eat it. And there’s this cottage industry of internet marketers selling the idea that you too can have a harem of sexy girls worshipping your cock, and only your cock. Gents, this is really a case of, if it seems to be too good to be true it is.
- The women who might agree to such an arrangement will either have really low self-esteem or (worse) too much self-esteem; either way, they are going to be a bunch of drama and not very trustworthy. Over the years, I’ve known a lot of guys who shared with me that their girlfriends agreed to one-way loyalty or wanted to have threesomes with them. The arrangements NEVER lasted long and seemed to result in a lot of trouble. These arrangements are very tempting, especially when it’s her that suggests it, but they are “sticking your dick in a blender.”
- The gurus selling this lifestyle are not very credible. Most of them are anonymous Internet personalities, who provide very little real evidence for the lifestyle that they brag about.
One-way loyalty will persist as long as she doesn’t think that she can do better than you, which (unless she’s morbidly unattractive) will be about a week. A woman you’re casually dating may agree to one-way loyalty but as soon as another charming guy hits on her, she will want equal rights in your monogamish arrangement and will make you a cuck, THAT is certainly not what you want, is it?
I was a pickup artist and nomadic seducer for seven years, devoting myself to chasing skirts, ever driven by the thrill of the hunt, and it was fun, but it also came at the cost of a lot of disappointment, frustration, drama, wasted money, and lost sleep. I wish someone had made the case to me earlier that monogamy was a lot more pleasurable without all the brain damage. I wish someone had explained to me earlier that seduction wasn’t just a recreational activity but could be used as a tool for filtering and attracting into my life a high-quality woman who would make me happier than ever. If I could have deprogrammed myself from the promiscuous mindset earlier, I would have enjoyed more of the $60 steak dinner and less of those regrettable $2 candy bars!
I’m not going to sell you the illusion that somewhere there’s a goldmine of young and beautiful yet not-flakey, not-slutty girls just waiting for you. In my new book, I break down how to navigate the minefield of “blenders” to find an imperfect woman, and inspire her to be just what you want. You don’t find your dream girl, you make her…
Please Pre-Order the book today
Here on LimitlessMindset.com for $8.99. You’ll receive an immediate download of five chapters…
The Inevitable Uncondoming
How to Meet a Nice Girl in the COVID-19 Era
Dating and Marrying Exotic Foreign Women
Seducing a Virgin
The Siren Song of Online Dating
The audiobook version of the book (a $16 value) when it’s produced, expect the audiobook in august.
And you’ll also get access to a private accountability community, The League of Limitless Gentlemen on Minds.com, where you’ll be able to get feedback and encouragement from me and other likeminded guys.