Trolling Denver’s Leftist Rag Westword [Satire]

Witty tweets responding to the regressive leftist propaganda printed in Denver’s Pravda, Westword

am a son of Denver. I have trudged through the snow along Smoky Hill road to school. I have danced at red rocks below the stars. I have sat in traffic on Parker road. I have looked up with loathing at that weird, demonic bucking bronco sculpture outside of DIA. I have done kegstands in backyard house parties on warm summer nights. I have gotten in trouble for riding the RTD light rail without a valid ticket. I have people watched on 16th street mall. I have stood and cheered for the Denver Nuggets. I have sipped crappy beer with multitudes at Coor’s Field on a sunny day while enjoying a ball game. I have tippied houses at night in the suburbs of Aurora. I have drag raced my car down Arapahoe road. I had tasted the divine deliciousness of a Chipotle burrito. I have licked the finest ice cream this side of heaven while being serenaded by Coldstone employees. I have coroused in the Suite Two Hundred. I have bought burritos from those short mexican ladies outside of nightclubs downtown at 2:00AM. I have waited in line at Wal Mart to buy boxed wine. And I have stood at the frigid summit of Pike’s Peak in awe of the breathtaking view of the majestic frontrange.

But, I’m no longer proud to be a native Denverite. The city is teetering and on the precipice of succumbing to a state of unbridled Idiocracy — at least that’s what it seems like judging from Westword’s Twitter feed!

I’ve left the city, I’ve fled the throngs of Veronicas with venereal diseases and Tricias with trite tattoos. While I still possess a modicum of free speech, I strike back against the metastasizing liberal shitholiness of Denver the only way I can, tweeting furiously (which is just natural to me being an angry straight white male bird)

Adventuring philosopher, Pompous pontificator, Writer, K-Selected Biohacker, Tantric husband, Raconteur & Smart Drug Dealer 🇺🇸

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store